Martyn@BB said:You didnt find it funny then?
I think Illinoishire has quite a ring to it.
Only the British have such scintillating wit and a real appreciation for a good joke! And so, even though I'm only a poor soon-to-be Brit, I feel you will most likely split your sides laughing (unless you happen to be one who finds it more manly to titter, guffah, or snort through widened nostrils) when I tell you that I think your hometown of Wankerheadburgh has quite a ring to it. That would be pronounced 'Wankerhead-burra', would it not?
Please do correct any mistakes in my pronounciation. I do so veddy, veddy much want to fit in once Her Majesty's representatives have taken charge here. My concern, old chum, is that if I cannot speak English in the proppah manner, I may not be allowed to pay eight dollars per gallon for petrol, or (Heaven forbid!!) turn over the percentage of taxes to the collector that you noble and far-seeing Brits have stolen from you each year by your own governmental cut-purses. Hurry over! Please!! The North Atlantic is fine. No U-boats in years. If I continue for much longer to find myself with an excess of money after paying for petrol and taxes, I have this horrid... HORRID, do you hear?... dread of spending it upon procuring a nose extension so as to have the proppah facial appendage with which I can look down upon all the rednecks in this area. Be aware yourself, good Sir, and notify the guard that each hovel is filled to overflowing with human detritus and seems well provided for when it come to firearms. So I should hope that Her Majesty will understand that I must at least pretend to side with the upstart colonials until all weapons are confiscated and the video cameras are in place on each street corner.
I must say that it thrills me to think of football played without helmets! Change the rules a bit so that it's no longer a game for the faint of heart, and... by Jove!... we'll have the real game here. Rugby! Watching a good scrum would make me weep if I weren't feeling so damned British! Eyes dry, chin up. Stiff upper lip, and all that. Ramrod up the rectum to stiffen the spine and march straight into the cannon, or there'll be hell to pay! The scrum is, isn't it... and here again I ask your forgiveness for my AmericaniSed ignorance... where all the men on both teams hover over the ball with their heads up their mates' arses, shoving forward with all their might? And a final question, if I may. Is the average Rugger's IQ lower than the number of his remaining teeth, or equal to?
Do, please, rescue us from our freedoms soon. I worry that the French might take over if you don't. And, should that happen, there is the off chance they would turn Detroit into a second Paris ratha than New York into another Liverpool... something Her Majesty's troops might so quickly accomplish.
Any spelling errors can be attributed to my being totally besotted. I find myself entirely uncaring about what others think of me (especially those others who do not currently reside in Great Britian), or my lack of ability to string letters together in the correct order so as to spell a word. I am filled with pomposity and proud of it. I'm half Brit already.
Yours in defeat!
Yer most umble and obed'nt servant,
Oliver Twisted, evil twin of Jimmy Fikes