Axe stories

C

cckw

Joined
May 24, 2008
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Axe talk has been slow lately how about some axe stories? Funny, dumb, etc

I was at a yard sale and there was an axe. the guy said he had more if I was interested and of course I was. So he opens the garage door and the garage was a disorganized heap of mostly trash. he pulls out some axes. I look at each hoping to find something decent. But a couple were marked China on the head, most had handles cut out of 1x board, and some had been in a fire. One even had a large bend in the bit. He had a splitting maul and the hammer side was mushroomed over more then I have even seen with an untempered axe pole, so more china junk.

So as a polite way to get away from these I say I'm not looking for anything made in China, and he responds "oh, none of there are, these are all high quality axes. we cut wood (etc etc) " He said the ones that had been in the fire are much better because they got retempered. He went on to explain that his "good axe" was retempered in the fire and is much better, he can get it really sharp now. and I said "wow...cool"

In the end I bought a very nice condition vintage plum head that he dug out of a junk box for $5. plus a big roll of velcro for $1.

For those who don't understand the temper thing. the fire ruined the temper. the reason he can get it really sharp now is he sucks at sharpening and after the fire it is soft and easy to work. And if you didn't catch my hints, he wasn't real bright
 
That's pretty funny he thought the fire had put a better temper on his axe. I guess there is nothing wrong with being easily pleased! ...Sometimes.
I've been lurking around our local recycling center now and then, looking for old axeheads to do up. On the wall they have a nice display of old axes in all shapes and sizes, there is a particularly fine-looking Fireman's axe which for some reason I covet greatly. They've been up there for a few years and I've enquired a couple times about whether they'd ever be willing to part with them, but the staunch old guy behind the counter always gives a firm 'Never!!'
Anyway I was in there the other day, talking to the new guy about whether he'd be willing to save up any axes they get in for me, and he said 'Well, hows about all those old ones up there?' pointing to the collection on the wall. I naturally made interested noises and he got the ladder out to get them down so we could have a look. Just at that moment the old guy came booming back in and, with an eye of hardened steel, firmly gave us both a stern word or two. I won't be trying that one again! Still, you can but try... Maybe there's some history in those old blades he's holding onto! Good on him I say.
 
wait a minute- are you saying it's not good to put your axe heads in the fire? "Retempered"- gotta love it!
 
cckw, you obviously don't know anything about quality axes. the 'china' stamped on the head is an old rare style, very hard to find...:)
 
A friend told me a story of how his grandfather chopped off his own leg on accident using an axe. He survived and had a wooden leg thereafter.
 
Jet Slashed with $6.60 Axe
"...a carpenter who said he blamed Eastern Airlines for the death of his two-year-old champion dog... bought an axe and walked up to the jet as it unloaded passengers at Miami International Airport... He hacked through the metal skin, cables, and hydraulic lines before [the] Second Officer... asked him what he was doing... 'None of your business... Well, I guess I've done $5,000 damage to that airplane, and that's what they owe me.' ... He used a full axe, single bladed. The thing was brand new, it still had the $6.60 price tag on it... The airline estimated the damage at $100,000..."

-- quoted from The Calgary Herald, 9/1/70
http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=1WpkAAAAIBAJ&sjid=33wNAAAAIBAJ&dq=axe&pg=1964%2C40497
 
DrivebyTrucker said:
A friend told me a story of how his grandfather chopped off his own leg on accident using an axe. He survived and had a wooden leg thereafter.
Click to expand...

I dont have a wooden leg but I did just about chop mine off the first time I used my new Cold Steel axe.
Man I almost had to do a load of laundry.
 
Great thread CCKW. I have a hatchet story that is sort of funny but a bit scary at the same time. I did the whole Cub Scout then Boy scout thing when I was a kid. After we became scouts we were allowed to take some of the older cubs to camp and were supposed to supervise then. One night we told these cubs some pretty scary ghost tales and sent the off to sleep in their tents. The cub leader had arrived that evening and went around checking the cubs tents. Well it seems we scared the crap out of one of them because when the cub leader opened the flap on the kids tent he whipped his hatchet at him, it went right through the tent and missed the leaders head by inches. We got in serious shit over it and weren't given supervisory rights ever again. ;-)

Best regards

Robin
 
That's funny, Robin.

When I was a kid at church camp, we had a leader of our cabin tell us some wicked scary stories. He finished up with one about an ancient man-eating bear that used to haunt the indian tribes of the area we were camped in. After scaring everyone sh*tless, he said, "Good night, guys. I have a meeting for all the camp counselors, I'll be back soon." He came back later scratching the walls of our cabin and making "bear noises." There was more repentance in those minutes...apparently one kid was reading Psalms 23 out loud from his top bunk. "the Lord is my Shepherd..." Screaming, crying, etc...we were fourth graders for goodness sake.

He then preceded to get the door open and jump in with a HEAD-ON bear rug draped over himself. Things went ballistic. Apparently, one of my best friends to this day was almost taken to town to see if the ER was open in McCall, ID because they couldn't get him to stop hyperventilating.

Funny thing is, after the scary stories, I went to sleep. The next morning, I woke up and the cabin was empty because they had taken everyone to sleep in the lodge because they were so freaked. I slept through the whole ordeal.

Oh...and...axes...well, they used to use old tool handles for sticks for the box hockey games.
 
I had an old timer tell me once that the american axe was the greatest tool ever, it helped to provide the wood and pulp that would build a nation. I had the old timers wife tell me it is the worst tool ever created, it helped to de-forest the land and create ugliness where once there was beauty on the landscape.

I didnt know what to say to her.
 
Operator1975 said:
I had an old timer tell me once that the american axe was the greatest tool ever, it helped to provide the wood and pulp that would build a nation. I had the old timers wife tell me it is the worst tool ever created, it helped to de-forest the land and create ugliness where once there was beauty on the landscape.

I didnt know what to say to her.
Click to expand...

They were both right I would say;-)))

Best regards

Robin
 
Cool story Robin.


One of my best friends in the army was always messing round with our gear; he loved to experiment with things or modify them. He got his hands on a camp axe and for no good reason he removed the axe head from the handle. I was watching him while I was eating my rations, thinking about all the ways that he might hurt himself.

Like some sort of monkey he presided to place the head back on to the handle, and stated to cut some fire wood, (we were in the middle of the Sonoren desert and it was day time:confused:) after a few swings the head went flaying of and it hit him right in the face.

I ran over to him to see if he was ok. When I saw his face I quickly spat out my cold beans. The axe blade had almost completely cut of his right eyebrow, there was a lot of blood, but he did not feel any pain. The rest of the guy came running over and laughed at him while the medic sowed him up. He never played around with an axe after that. And every time we had one in hand, we used to wave it around and point at our eyebrows.
 
When I was a young sprout back in North Carolina, about 20 miles from where Randy is, I started to stick my hatchet into a tree. Just as I swung, my cousin put his hand on the tree to lean up against it. The tip stuck in the tree and the rest of the edge pinned his hand to the tree. Luckily, the angle was just right and the edge just barely broke the skin on his hand. Two lucky boys!
 
I had another old timer tell me this tale, this time at the flea market I was just at, that if you were only considered a real man if you could hold your arm straight out, and in your hand hold the end of your axe handle with a 5 lb head on it, on a 36 inch handle, then proceed to slowly let the axe come back towards you, and touch your nose, then return the axe to the same upright position.

I was outside with my axes all day and forgot to try it. I doubt I could do it. ***disclaimer - dont try at home***
 
Axe stories...there must be tons of them. Please, use eye protection and limit the suds.
 
Operator - I usually hear that one with a sledgehammer. You could get in real serious hurt trying it with an ax!

I've spent a lot of time on the back end of an ax, but don't really have any interesting stories about it. I did bounce a double bit off my foot while cutting brush once. Put a nice hole in my shoe, but I don't think it drew blood. I was really lucky.

Another time I was holding up a young tree I had just felled, limbing it, and I thought "It sure would hurt if I hit my thumb doing this." A mere second later, sure enough, I split my thumbnail with the ax (very first ax I had made). It smurfed like the devil!

Keep yer axes away from yer extremities! Or the rest of your body, for that matter!
 
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