BBQ Rules

PhilL

PhilL

Joined
Oct 1, 1999
Messages
6,490
BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings th em to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY
 
I learned this song from some of the Australian Pistol Team some years back...

When the summer sun is shining on Australia's happy land
Round countless fires, in strange attire in many solemn bands
of glum Australians watching as the lunch goes up in flames
By the smoke and the smell you can plainly tell, that it's barby time again

When the steaks are burning fiercely, when the smoke gets in your eyes
When the snacks all taste like fried toothpaste and your mouth is full of flies
It's a national institution, it's Australian through and through
So come on mate and grab your plate, let's have a barbeque!

The Scots eat lots of haggis, the French eat snails and frogs
The Greeks throw kakis on their mousakis, and the Chinese love hot dogs
The Welshmen love to have a leek, the Irish like thier stew
But you just can't beat that half-cooked meat at an Aussie barbeque

When the steaks are burning fiercely, when the smoke gets in your eyes
When the snacks all taste like fried toothpaste and your mouth is full of flies
It's a national institution, it's Australian through and through
So come on mate and grab your plate, let's have a barbeque

There's flies stuck to the margarine, the bread has gone rock hard
The kids are fighting and the mossies are biting, who forgot the Aeroguard?
There's bull ants in the eskie, and the beer is running out
And what you saw in Mom's cole slaw, you just don't think about

When the steaks are burning fiercely, when the smoke gets in your eyes
When the snacks all taste like fried toothpaste and your mouth is full of flies
It's a national institution, it's Australian through and through
So come on mate and grab your plate, let's have a barbeque

And when the barby's over and your homeward way you wend
With a queezy tummy on the family dummy, many lonely hours you'll spend
You might find yourself reflecting, like many often do
Come rain or shine that's the bloody last time that you'll have a barbeque!

When the steaks are burning fiercely, when the smoke gets in your eyes
When the snacks all taste like fried toothpaste and your mouth is full of flies
It's a national institution, it's Australian through and through
So come on mate and grab your plate, let's have a barbeque

"Eric Bogle"
 
Nope.
In Noo Yawk its BBQ.
:D
Grilling is for the rest of all y'all.
:D :D
 
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Rule #1: It can only be called "BBQ" if you use BBQ sauce. Otherwise it's just grilling!

Don't call me over to your house for BBQ if you're grilling!! Of course I'll eat it anyway, but I'll be very disappointed and ask over and over again, "Where's the &*%$ barbecue?"
 
You forgot the most important part -- THE MAN LIGHTS THE FIRE. :D
[youtube]UjPxDOEdsX8[/youtube]
 
Holy S--t, batman! Was that LOX?
 
Yeah, I used to think I was cool because when I don't want to wait for coals I use a propane torch. Not cool, not cool at all. They have an annual competition to see who can get good cooking coals the fastest and you have to do it in seconds to have a chance of winning. Liquid oxygen is the only way to go. :D

P.S. That video is not from that competition. That guy went a little beyond just making a good barbecuing fire....
 
I BBQ all year around.

I'm a West coaster. We call it BBQ'ing.

Grilling works as well, but when someone says 'Lets go have some BBQ', I always ask what they are BBQ'ing.

Matter of fact, I BBQ'd some steaks last night, and will be BBQ'ing burgers tonight.

:thumbup:
 
I BBQ all year round too; in the rain & snow.....It doesn't bother ME at!! I LOVE to BBQ!
 
When you argue about what a word means you should say where you're from.

I'm from western Massachusetts and here "grilling" is something the police do to suspects.
 
Matter of fact, I BBQ'd some steaks last night, and will be BBQ'ing burgers tonight.
Click to expand...
Good stuff, but where's the ^&%$ barbecue?!?

BTW, it is possible to barbecue hamburgers and steaks. Just throw them in the smoker and add BBQ sauce!
 
knarfeng said:
Holy S--t, batman! Was that LOX?
Click to expand...

Yes.

That is what happens when you throw liquid oxygen onto charcoal. It's the ultimate in lighter fluid. Of course, the resulting inferno will melt the grill itself much less what it does to the food.
 
My favorite way to accellerate the lighting of charcoal is to take just one piece and put it into a small glass. Pour in enough Jack Daniels to cover. Let that sit for an hour or two. Put that one whiskey-infused piece in the center of the pile and throw the rest of the whiskey on top. Light that. The result is no jet-fuel aftertaste.
 
Remember to put all accellerants on the charcoal before lighting. Adding accellerants after the coals are glowing could be hazardous to your health.

We lost one of the good guys when he squirted charcoal lighter fluid on the coals to speed things up. The flame folowed the fluid back to the can and blew up all over him.
 
I'll admit now that I grew up in England and now live in California, but I love BBQ and have been learning how to cook it. I always thought that BBQ was low and slow, and grilling was hot and fast.

Are you guys telling me that the ribs I spend all day cooking slowly on the gas grill are not BBQ?:p
 
Barbecue (the verb) definitely means to cook for a loooooong time.
Grilling is when you toss burgers and dogs over charcoal.

Barbecue (the noun) is shredded pork in barbecue sauce (none of this "pulled pork" nonsense). Well, it's pork if you're in the South. In Texas, and Texas alone, "barbecue" can be made out of beef.

And to go one step further, barbecue sauce in its truest form should be yellow. This is because it has a mustard base, and is supposed to be very TANGY. That super dark molasses-colored "barbecue" sauce is honey-based for bland Boston types with sensitive taste buds who want to play cowboy but keep their turtlenecks.
 
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