Bouncers/ bar security let's hear those funny stories

L

lazy otter

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So I'm sure I'm not the only one who has worked security at a bar or been a bouncer and if you've done it long enough you've seen some great things. If I wasn't contracting I was in a bar working it was fun keeps your skills sharp. 1 of my best was when a guy swung a pool stick at me and I threw my arm up to block it and somehow caught it and the dude and I just stood there in amazement cuz it was a total accident well I gave him a solid hit to the eye and I see something fly in the air and he yells my eye, my 1st thought is what have I done then he said it was his fake eye so I feel better. His buddies finally showed up but by this time my favorite waitress had got my coustomer b good stick and apologies were made and they came back every night after that and never caused a problem again.
 
It was a fall evening. So the door going outside was shut. I had a little table right there were I would sit my stuff and check id's. I see this guy standing in front of the door for a few second's. He is a serious drunk. Well he get's the door open and fall's face first into the bar. Seen people fall out of the bar before. That was a first to see someone fall into one. Needless to say he didn't get anymore beer.lol
 
I was the guy trying to convince the bouncers that my drunk friend shouldnt be beaten half to death. I mean he probably deserved it, but I really didnt want to have to explain it to his soon to be wife later that night.

Garth
 
I jumped guard as I was plowed into by a hammered VT State Trooper (for all the non- BJJ/grappling enthusiasts, this means turning myself into a 260 lb belt buckle by grabbing the neck/head/arm of the guy, pulling him real close, and falling to my back while locking my ankles around behind the fella's back). It was extra sweet due to the absolute FILTH and broken glass under my t-shirt-clad back (this was not exactly the finest of night establishments out there). Fortunately he was alone at the moment, so my vulnerable position did not compromise my health and safety. I am glad to be out of that business now.
 
I was bouncing one night at a friends house when a former football team mate of mine came up to me and asked me if it was alright to go in to the party. I said, sure. He then said that if he wanted to, he could go right through me and just go in. I told him, go ahead. He didn't.
:D
 
No bouncer stories, but I was bartending for a little club in Austin, TX during my college days at UT. Things were slow, and a fellow at the bar struck up a conversation about knives, which eventually turned to throwing knives. I mentioned that I liked to toss blades, and he pulled a long, skinny “grapefruit” folder out of his back pocket. “Betcha can’t stick that one,” he grinned. I promptly threw it across the room and stuck it in the oak front door of the establishment. About three seconds later a fellow walked in with his date, and I realized I was just that many seconds away from spending the next phase of my life in jail for manslaughter. Youth is wasted on the young.
 
My then girlfriend was the co-owner of a bar outside of Ft Bragg. After closing each evening I did a quick sweep to insure all customers were out. One that we had trouble with earlier in the evening hid in the bathroom and we missed him on our checks. He walked out grabbing a pool stick and broke it over the top of my head leaving a nasty 6 inch gash. Typical for a scalp injury it bled way out of proportion to the damage. Refusing to go to the hospital my sister being a nurse stitched it up. That was 30 yrs ago and I have a nasty scar and a good divot in the skull. Now I think I'm lucky not to have suffered greater damage. There were other situations as well and I'm glad to be out of it. Plus, I think people are crazier now, or maybe that's just my perception moving into codger age.
 
Back in the early 70s, i took a break from college (I had blown my knee out on outdoor AstroTurf at Univ of FL) and they had just lowered the legal age from 21 to 18 (temporally due to Vietnam....."if old enough to fight..old enough to drink).

I got a job in Apopka, FL at "Liquor World" working primarily in the package store. I was their youngest employee, because of the law change, they had ever hired. Apopka is in the Orlando area and very agricultural.......lots of orange groves and migrant workers......which tended to be a volital mix of migrant workers and country rednecks.

After I had worked there for a month, they thought I was ready to also bounce in the bar attached to the package store.
Before my first weekend working the bar, I received advice from a 40 year old ex-Kentucky sheriffs deputy who was getting his first weekend off in 6 weeks. He told me that the migrant workers and rednecks would go at it at some point. When the Barmaid called from the back( I was up front in the package store), I should call 911 to call in the cops and then get to the back to break up the fight and preserve the bar ( ha.....this bar was so bad, it had shag carpet on the walls to cover the holes from bullets and thrown furniture). He also gave me some very specific instructions........"open the cash register and pull out a roll of dimes and carry it in your fist".
Well, my first Friday night I get that call from the back.....I call in the cops , I open the register and grab a roll of dimes. I run to the back and all hell has broken loose. I jump into the middle of it trying to pull these drunks apart. I pull this one guy off a migrant worker he has pinned on the floor........he's really drunk and takes a wild swing at me. I come back with that fist full of dimes........Damn, it was like that sound when you hit the sweet spot on a wood bat and you know it's a home run.......he went down in a heap.
What made this story funny is what happened after I dropped the drunk.
There were probably 10-12 people involved in the fight. When I hit that guy with the roll of dimes...he went down, but that roll of dimes exploded in my fist........dimes went everywhere and the fight stopped........they were all scrambling for the dimes. Cops finally arrived and hauled some of them off.
The policy at Liquor World when you were involved in an incident was to move you to one of their other locations to prevent retribution.
I learned some valuable lessons.....they didn't pay me enough to risk my life to protect furniture and if I ever get in a similar situation....just throw money:D. I went back to college
 
I was in a west va strip club and it was dead not 1 customer! So the manager and I were throwing a tennisball around and there was a dancer on stage practicing pole moves. Well I whip the ball at the manager as hard as I can and just at the right moment the girl does some trick and leans way back and WACK right in the face I nailed her with the ball she spun and hit the stage...I admit I died laughing....she took it like a trooper we took her to the hospital....but it was funny as hell she even laughed when we watched the video.
 
I attended a bachelor party at which the only people that I knew was the bachelor, and his brother in law ( my best friend).

One other fellow there was a strange, loud mouthed shnook, biker wannabe that I'll call Rick.

The party moves to a strip club. We take seats. Rick decides that the service was too slow, so he heads to the bar to get a drink. The bouncer very nicely explained to Rick that he must wait to be served at his table, that he must be seated at the bar to directly order there. House rules. Rick gets irate and starts to bad mouth the bouncer. The bouncer remained polite, repeated the house rules and leaves.

Rick is a bull headed fellow and continues to get his drinks at the bar.

Couple hours later, the groom to be is sick as a dog and is escorted to the washroom by my best friend and myself. We let him get sick, clean him up and as we get out of the washroom we see the bouncer who's got Rick by the collar with one meaty hand and is bitch slapping him ( really having a go at him, open handed) repeatedly across the face..... The manager is on the cel phone talking, he ain't a happy puppy...

I yell at everyone to get the hell out.

As we are carrying the object of this celebration to our car, I notice the manager taking down our Licence plate numbers.
Just as we are pulling out of the bar's driveway, 6 Harleys are riding in. Every rider has a local motorcycle club patch on his jacket. I look at my rear view mirror to see the manager talking to the bikers and pointing at us.

Needless to say that we headed to the nearest highway and exceeded the speed limit. I never did see Rick again ..... Good think too..... The bitch slapping might just have started over again, and Not so gently .....
 
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Bouncing bars in the 70's didn't lead to many funny stories. Most of those stories would end with punching out a drunken, coked up frat boy or some luded out redneck. I do remember that there were a lot of women whose names I don't remember. Ahh, good times.
 
mhawg said:
Bouncing bars in the 70's didn't lead to many funny stories. Most of those stories would end with punching out a drunken, coked up frat boy or some luded out redneck. I do remember that there were a lot of women whose names I don't remember. Ahh, good times.
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I hear ya I've had many a night of just straight fighting. I always thought it was fun.
 
I have a bunch of good 1s so here is another. On this night we were packed at the bar and were throwing people out left and right fighting inside and outside the bar it was hot smokey and the 6 of us were all mad by 12 :00am. Well the crowd thins and we see a guy passed out at the table who had puked all over himself well turned out he also peed and pooped himself too! So we take all the alcohol while he is sleeping and get latex gloves and then I get the idea to grab us all those big heavy duty bar trash can bags thinking we will jump him get atleast 1 trash bag on him and drag him out if he won't walk out. Well outta now where he wakes up and flips cuz his beer is gone we try and explain Sahara goin on and he just wasn't having it he rushed our biggest guy who shreaked like a little girl and the the famous words were yelled get him we all rush in with our trash bags and get him most of us still got covered in god knows what we get him out the door and 2 cops we know are out there laughing their a**es off it then it became their problem. I no joke strip naked throw my clothes away and walked 2 doors down to my apt to shower as did my roommate who worked there too the other guys were sol and we went back to a night of fighting I got kicked in the family jewels by a girl who then bit me and jumped on my back and tried to crush my head like a sea otter breaking clams on his tummy all because we were breaking up a fight her bf and his friends got into.
 
Another 1 of my stupidity. So we were messing around one night and a keg blew so I went to get a new keg well I started to grab the dolly when the waitress, bartender Ect bet I couldn't carry 1 well I was younger and bigger so I go for it make it to the bar and then realized I had no idea how to get it off my right shoulder that's how the bigger bouncers did it but I never watched them get them down and it needed to come down quick so I kinda roll it off my shoulder and bang dislocated my shoulder.....but I did it and won the bet!
 
Bars just arent what they used to be. Used to be the worst you got was a chair or a pool cue. Now everybody just stabs or shoots. Really took alot of the fun out of it.

Garth
 
I agree they aren't and I got the scars to prove it and a hunk of glass I removed from my arm as a trophy cousin it was a epic battle, but I quit when we started to get shot at and people went insane . I had to carry a gun in the strip club in West Virginia and hated it wasn't a fan of having a gun on me while in a bar.i also had a x26 taser and bear mace yep bear mace it works great against people maybe too good....lol...I got vexor now and it's the best I've ever used or seen it hurts like hell.
 
I used to bounce when I was a little younger and of all the things I have done it is by far the most depressing job I have had. You see people at their worst, from the woman who falls asleep on her bar stool and defecates on herself to the grown ass man who breaks down into tears after his girl leaves him and he gets his butt kicked in the parking lot while covered in blood.

It was an experience I wouldn't trade but also one I wouldn't do again .
 
Last year we had an incident in my local watering hole. Some country meth heads got escorted out of the bar because that is not the regular crowd in the bar. They were punching the wall out back and were asked to leave with no real hassle. Later two of them ran through the front door about 1:00 am and the first one punched the bouncer in the face and the second one stabbed him with a knock-off Ka-Bar. It went in his side under the ribs and punctured his lung. As he ran out he stabbed and slashed the owner who was just standing in the door. They both survived. This all went on about 7 feet behind me and it happened so fast I only saw the stabber running out the door. The old bouncer instincts kicked in though and this old, fat, crippled ex-bouncer pursued them down the street. (This move was stupid but in my defense I may have had a beer or 2.) I was not moving very fast but a couple younger bouncers from the bar next door passed me during the chase. I was standing in the sidewalk with my cane in my hand when the stabber came out from between some cars about 50 feet ahead and charged at us slashing at us with his blade. I did not advance and the two other guys scattered. Stabber boy hopped in his buddy's car and they escaped. Due to security cameras in the area they were caught. I was subpoenaed as a witness in his trial and we put this idiot away for Life Without Chance of Parole. Don't mess with my bouncers.
 
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