CDC Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

S

Steve Tall

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Aug 28, 2010
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The government's Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a guide for preparing for a zombie apocalypse:

"...There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this..."

"...If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation..."

from
http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp
 
They don't mention guns or khukuris though, so I'm not too certain about their advice.;)
 
You do r34l1ze th4t th1s 1s s1mply 4 gu1d3 for surv1v1ng 4 th3or3tical zomb13 4poc4lyps3, r1ght?
1t's not l1k3 th3r3 4r3 zomb13s ro4m1ng th3 str33ts or 4nyth1ng.
 
C4l1brator said:
You do r34l1ze th4t th1s 1s s1mply 4 gu1d3 for surv1v1ng 4 th3or3tical zomb13 4poc4lyps3, r1ght?
1t's not l1k3 th3r3 4r3 zomb13s ro4m1ng th3 str33ts or 4nyth1ng.
Click to expand...

You do realize that numerals aren't letters, right?:D
 
C4l1brator said:
You do r34l1ze th4t th1s 1s s1mply 4 gu1d3 for surv1v1ng 4 th3or3tical zomb13 4poc4lyps3, r1ght?
1t's not l1k3 th3r3 4r3 zomb13s ro4m1ng th3 str33ts or 4nyth1ng.
Click to expand...

Yes, there are real zombies out there. Here's proof:

Nancy_Pelosi_Botox_Smile.jpg


Kill it!

Kill it with fire!!!
 
stabman said:
They don't mention guns or khukuris though, so I'm not too certain about their advice.;)
Click to expand...

They say "utility knife".

A kukri is a utility knife, right?


Right?



I think the crew here would have a better chance than most to survive the zompocalypse.
 
stabman said:
They don't mention guns...
Click to expand...

Cpl Punishment said:
They say "utility knife".

A kukri is a utility knife, right?
...
Click to expand...

Perhaps the ommission of firearms is due to the recent rises in the price of silver. It is not realistic for everyone to cast the optimal silver bullets for creatures from the shadow realms.

This explains the renewed CDC emphasis on utility knives like khukuris. One must acknowledge that there are other good utility knives besides the khukuri for this purpose also, like katanas, large bowie knives, etc. Too bad the CDC did not explore the utility knife topic in more detail. But this is just an introductory post. Perhaps the CDC will go into more of the apocalyptic details in subsequent posts.

Of particular interest
- What are the best utility knife techniques for deanimation of the undead?
- What do you do with excess zombie parts afterwards to prevent them being a health hazard?
 
C4l1brator said:
1t 1s k1nd of 4 long story, but my "A" "E" 4nd "I" k3ys 4r3 brok3n. 1 subst1tut3d numb3rs th4t look s3mi-l3g1ble.
Click to expand...

Don't worry. I'm fluent in l33t;) I can translate for the others.

Yes, that was a cute little blurb by the CDC to get us to stock up on staple-goods and water. Personally, I'm practicing my Lord Humongous speeches. "Just walk away..."
 
Howard Wallace said:
Perhaps the ommission of firearms is due to the recent rises in the price of silver. It is not realistic for everyone to cast the optimal silver bullets for creatures from the shadow realms.

This explains the renewed CDC emphasis on utility knives like khukuris. One must acknowledge that there are other good utility knives besides the khukuri for this purpose also, like katanas, large bowie knives, etc. Too bad the CDC did not explore the utility knife topic in more detail. But this is just an introductory post. Perhaps the CDC will go into more of the apocalyptic details in subsequent posts.

Of particular interest
- What are the best utility knife techniques for deanimation of the undead?
- What do you do with excess zombie parts afterwards to prevent them being a health hazard?
Click to expand...

You only need silver for unrealistic things like vampires and werewolves.;)
For zombies you just have to take out a good portion of the brain.:)

Nice examination of the utility knife angle.
 
Well...i have my kit already, so the CDC can suck on it. My dad gave me some old 12 gauge slugs last time he visited. some nasty little buggers, very deeply hollow pointed. gotta love my 8+1 mossberg 500A tac. so there is that and my 20" CAK, dead on hammer and just for the awesome factor, my cold steel gunstock warclub. you may laugh...but i have beaten it against trees and slammed the blade through layered phonebooks and into oak logs, its a tough little piece of polypropylene. got plenty of dried goods (about of 15 pounds of brown rice at the moment with a cabinet of canned goods) and ammo.

Best attack with a big knife/machete/hatchet/sword/hammer...whatever your main hand tool is, is not going straight at the poor bastard. they are slow (im guessing if this actually happens, they will be like a rabid animal, slow, rigid, dumb) so sidestepping them and positioning yourself on their side, away from their direct reach and mouth are exactly what you want to do. It is something that most martial arts teach you, you never want to go full frontal assault on your opponent. so a simple side step and slash to the neck (severing the vertebrae, total decapitation not needed if he is paralyzed) or if you have a blunt weapon (like my 18" dead on smooth face all one piece claw hammer of death!) go for the back of the skull. you dont want to be face to face because they stand a MUCH better chance of grabbing you, you have to get a swing through their arms, and the front of the skull is the hardest in the forehead where most of us would be bringing our overhead chop down.
 
stabman said:
You only need silver for unrealistic things like vampires and werewolves.;)
For zombies you just have to take out a good portion of the brain.
Click to expand...

You're overlooking the threat from undead lycanthropes. One never knows from which population the next zombie infestation will be drawn.
 
So if you take a zombie how do you mount the head?

zombie1.jpg


And do we have any good recipies?

recipes.gif


n2s
 
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