Clean jokes...

Discussion in 'Community Center' started by Gary W. Graley, Feb 17, 2008.

  1. 42WLA

    42WLA Gold Member Gold Member

    52
    Mar 13, 2019
    From my dad 60 years ago:
    "Do you want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud".
     
    annr and SVTFreak like this.
  2. sabre cat

    sabre cat Basic Member Basic Member

    Jul 4, 2014
    If I remember, there is a clean joke to go with it.
     
    Sharp & Fiery likes this.
  3. Sharp & Fiery

    Sharp & Fiery Always Embellish Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    May 14, 2012
    Why, yes, yes there is. Lol.
     
  4. DocT

    DocT

    Mar 25, 2012
    A man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

    The man said: “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

    The Lord said: “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me.”

    The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said: “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

    The Lord replied: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
     
  5. DocT

    DocT

    Mar 25, 2012
    A man had a terrible cough. Finally, he went to the refrigerator for some cough medicine, but accidentally took a bunch of laxative, instead.

    Later, his wife noticed he had not been coughing and said, "How's your cough? I haven't heard you cough in a while."

    The man said, "That's because I'm afraid to cough."
     
  6. sabre cat

    sabre cat Basic Member Basic Member

    Jul 4, 2014
    A motor cop pulled over a elderly woman for a broken tail light. A minor violation of the law.

    As she was retrieving her drivers license, the Officer noticed that she had a handgun permit in her wallet. “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in the car with you?”, he ask.

    “I have a Walther PPK in my purse.”, she said. “It’s my favorite.”

    As the LEO reached for his ballpoint pen to write the citation, he took a breath, ready to explain why she was pulled over. To his surprise, she continued...

    “Then, there’s the little Colt .38 in the center console between the seats. And, a Colt Officer’s Model .45 in the glove compartment.”

    “I considered a Glock 9mm but,
    the 45 ACP is well proven. Besides, I like the little horse Colt stamps on the side of their guns.”

    Finishing, she said, “I also have a Remington 870 riot gun in the trunk.”

    Keeping his composure, the Officer ask, “Lady, what are you afraid of?”

    “Not a damn thing.”
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2020
  7. Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's

    Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's KnifeMaker / Craftsman / Service Provider Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    326
    Aug 5, 2016
    There were these two mice and they had passed away and they got up to Saint Peter's Gate and they say to Saint Peter.....geeeez it sure is big up here......so Saint Peter gives them a pair a roller skates to get around on......a few days latter these two cats pass away and meet Saint Peter and he lets them through and a few days go by and Saint Peter see's them cats again and says.....So how you like it up here.....they say ummmmmm not sure yet......but your meals on wheels sure are great ~ "smile"

    Grandma shared this one with me ~ I was just listening to her on a recording she made.....sure miss her a bunch ~
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2020
  8. sabre cat

    sabre cat Basic Member Basic Member

    Jul 4, 2014
    I needed that! Thank you.

    My wife and I both enjoy a good cat joke.
     
  9. Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's

    Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's KnifeMaker / Craftsman / Service Provider Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    326
    Aug 5, 2016
    I tried to fix the delivery a bit ~ not sure if everything took the first time I wrote it ~ anyways it is a good clean joke ~ I'm glad you enjoyed it ~
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2020
    taldesta and sabre cat like this.
  10. Ebbtide

    Ebbtide

    Aug 20, 1999
    57 pages..... I don't remember if I told these or not. Sorry if they are repeats but they are favorites :)

    What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
    The accordion burns longer.

    How do you know if you have perfect pitch on your accordion?
    It doesn't hit the sides of the dumpster on the way in.

    :)
     
    mbkr, annr, sabre cat and 2 others like this.
  11. DangerZone98

    DangerZone98

    Dec 7, 2019
    Why doesn’t King Arthur believe in a round earth?







    Because he’s a flat-Arthur.
     
  12. DangerZone98

    DangerZone98

    Dec 7, 2019
    She forgot to tell the officer about the Daniel Defense AR-15 that she appendix carried that day.
     
    sabre cat likes this.
  13. Sharp & Fiery

    Sharp & Fiery Always Embellish Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    May 14, 2012
    Q: Why are there 2 doors on a chicken coup?



    A:Because if there were 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
     
  14. Roy Batty

    Roy Batty Y'all can sling load DEEZ NUTS Platinum Member

    May 25, 2016
    Why are Monks so good at protesting?
    Because the more Ohms you have, the greater the resistance.
     
  15. DocT

    DocT

    Mar 25, 2012
    My mother started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 68. Now she is 82 and we do not know where she is.
     
  16. DocT

    DocT

    Mar 25, 2012
    Any readers, here? I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I can't put it down.
     
  17. annr

    annr

    Nov 15, 2006
    Don’t hurt yourself!
     
  18. Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's

    Grandpa Peter's and Grandma Betty's KnifeMaker / Craftsman / Service Provider Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider

    326
    Aug 5, 2016
    Oooooops ~
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
    bikerector likes this.
  19. Eversion

    Eversion Making Ti things pretty! Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider Gold Member

    852
    Apr 9, 2020
    Why did Sally fall off the swings?
    Because she has no arms.




    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Not Sally.
     
  20. lmleck

    lmleck When the going gets tough, the dumb get dumber !!! Platinum Member

    Dec 8, 2007
    8 ............................................ 8
    eight ....................................... tolerate
     

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