Off Topic Knifemaking or metallurgy jokes

Stromberg Knives

Stromberg Knives

strombergknives.com
Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
856
Hi!

Guys, do you have any (good, bad or worse doesn't matter) knife making or metallurgy jokes in store?

I need some for a presentation.

Thanks!
 
A guy walks into an exotic meats butcher shop and inquires about one of their signature meats, various types of brain.

The butcher said, "Oh we have all kinds of brain here, fish brain, cow brain, pork brain, little bitty bird brain" he then looked side to side to be sure nobody was listening and added "we even have human brain".

"Human brain!" the man replied.

"Oh yes, it's very popular, though it is not cheap" said the butcher.

"How much is it?" the man inquired.

"Well, we start off with general laborer brain which goes for $5/oz and go as high as lawyer brain which is $20/oz. Sometimes we get surgeon brain which we sell for $30/oz and the most expensive brain we have sold is knifemaker brain for $50/oz" the butcher replied.

"$50 an ounce for knifemaker brain!" said the man incredulously "that doesn't make any sense!"

The butcher narrowed his eyes and asked "Do you know how many knifemakers it takes to make an ounce of brains?" "And then you got to clean them!"
 
I have a friend that literally bought a Ferris wheel that was made in the teens. He's a bit of a mad scientist, making Harley powered pontoon boats, a motorcycle with one of each of Harley's V-Twins in it, and a Harley powered picnic table. So one night he is telling me how he is taking his Ferris wheel apart and machining each individual part out of aluminum. I'm sitting there trying to figure out why he would do that, and then he explained that he would have both a Ferris wheel and a non-ferris wheel. That is a true story!
 
J. Hoffman said:
I have a friend that literally bought a Ferris wheel that was made in the teens. He's a bit of a mad scientist, making Harley powered pontoon boats, a motorcycle with one of each of Harley's V-Twins in it, and a Harley powered picnic table. So one night he is telling me how he is taking his Ferris wheel apart and machining each individual part out of aluminum. I'm sitting there trying to figure out why he would do that, and then he explained that he would have both a Ferris wheel and a non-ferris wheel. That is a true story!
Click to expand...
Thats fun, but it is best presented orally to a knowledgeable audience. ;)
 
Nathan the Machinist said:
A guy walks into an exotic meats butcher shop and inquires about one of their signature meats, various types of brain.

The butcher said, "Oh we have all kinds of brain here, fish brain, cow brain, pork brain, little bitty bird brain" he then looked side to side to be sure nobody was listening and added "we even have human brain".

"Human brain!" the man replied.

"Oh yes, it's very popular, though it is not cheap" said the butcher.

"How much is it?" the man inquired.

"Well, we start off with general laborer brain which goes for $5/oz and go as high as lawyer brain which is $20/oz. Sometimes we get surgeon brain which we sell for $30/oz and the most expensive brain we have sold is knifemaker brain for $50/oz" the butcher replied.

"$50 an ounce for knifemaker brain!" said the man incredulously "that doesn't make any sense!"

The butcher narrowed his eyes and asked "Do you know how many knifemakers it takes to make an ounce of brains?" "And then you got to clean them!"
Click to expand...
I may just have to steal that one....
 
There's all the puns....
Got to be sharp to stay on the cutting edge of the knife business. Sometimes takes a while for a knifemaker to get to the point, but when he does it really sticks in you.
 
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, would they be alloys?

A Metallurgist is the only person that can identify a virgin metal from a common ore?

What do you do with a dead metallurgist?
...Barium!
 
Last edited:
This one had me laughing out loud...

_________
There was this bladesmith who was in the habit of getting home
quite late. One time, he came home at 2:30 a.m. with a torn
shirt, lipstick on his collar, hair messed up, and generally
looking like a wreck. His wife caught him coming in the door
and demanded to know why he came home so late.

His replied, "Well, after I left work today, a few friends
and I went out to the bar for a few drinks. We met up with
some rather good-looking young women and started to drink
to excess. Things just kept happening, as you can well see.
I sobered up enough to note how late it was, so I rushed
home."

She screamed, "You liar! You were in the shop again, weren't
you?"
__________
 
How long does it take a knifemaker to screw in a lightbulb?
It's been half an hour and he's still turning it the wrong way
 
I have a wall that I completely covered in chalkboard paint. I keep FAQ's written on one end and use the rest for workshops and scribbles. It would be great to have a "joke of the week" on there. Maybe more folks will stop in to see the latest.... maybe not... ho-hum.
 
I can't believe no one has said: "How do you make a small fortune as a knifemaker? First you start with a large one..."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top