More bad times.

Cpl Punishment

Cpl Punishment

Joined
Jan 28, 2006
Messages
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Boy, more good news (sarcasm) the last couple of days.

On Friday I woke up with what looked like a black spot in my right eye. When I turned the lights on, I found out it's a reddish-purple spot. So some emergency calls later, I got in to see my ophthalmologist, and it seems I had a vein blow out in my eye. Teh real bad news is that although I have a couple of floaters (meaning blood is seeping into the vitrious), the spot is essentially blood pooling under the surface of the retina. Fortunately, it hasn't gotten any larger. I have an appointment with my retina surgeon on Wednesday to see what can be done. Hopefully, this can be fixed, so I don't lose either that part of the retina (or the whole eye).

Every time I start digging myself out of the hole I'm in, something/someone comes to start kicking me down again. I'm really done with all this.

I'm beginning to think it's time to punch out, and go look for that village I keep dreaming of.
 
I don't know what to say. I am sorry about the whole eye thing, but I don't know if 'sorry' is what you want to hear. Do what you feel is right, and I'll see you later. I hope you don't go blind because of the bleeding, that would stink. Peace.
 
Get well soon Cpl.

Was doing some chopping this morning and when i was trekking down a slope the tip of my khuk just stabbed right into my right ankle.
It poked a hole on my socks and blood started to pour out slowly.

I applied antiseptic on it but some particles are still visible on the wound. Hopefully it's sterile now.

Just be careful.
 
Our ongoing change and decay is part of the human condition. Perhaps it contains a puzzle all of us in this situation need to solve. True, we may choose to tip over the pieces without solving them and leave the room.

I've always suspected another version of the same puzzle awaits outside the door.

Best wishes on the eye problem.
 
Best wish to you CPL. Believe it would be okay.

Take care Jay. Boy grows up with scars. In here we ride moto bike. If we collect enough scars in both knees and both elbows, it's equal to the driving license. You now have obtained a quarter of your khuk handling licence :)

Hung
 
Cpl, that really sucks, man. No mincing words about it. One of my long-running fears is losing my sight.

I like Howard's analogy, although I think we can give the puzzle more attention in places with less distractions.
 
This is meant to be supportive and encouraging

I moved here to Alexandria (DC) area 4 years ago to take care of my uncle - me, my brother and my son are his only family – he would soon lose his leg (below the knee amputation) and legally blind from diabetes and glaucoma. I was like a live in nurse for two years also a 24 hour caregiver.

When I got here he was legally blind and had several eye problems – they did laser surgery for some and the other he has a broken blood vessel and the clear fluid in his eye would fill with blood blocking his vision. (sounded similar to what you described)

They actually changed the fluid in his eye (like changing the oil in your car – well not exactly) That was 2 or 3 years ago and he can now see as good as he could before all this happened.

We had to make several appointments and follow doctors advise ect etc – but I met a lot of other patients during at the many trips to the Eye doctors and most all that I talked to where having full recovery – I can’t remember talk with any that had gotten worse.

Well for what its worth; I just want to say be encouraged friend some of the modern medical procedures are really far advanced these days.
 
Cpl Punishment said:
Boy, more good news (sarcasm) the last couple of days.

On Friday I woke up with what looked like a black spot in my right eye. When I turned the lights on, I found out it's a reddish-purple spot. So some emergency calls later, I got in to see my ophthalmologist, and it seems I had a vein blow out in my eye. Teh real bad news is that although I have a couple of floaters (meaning blood is seeping into the vitrious), the spot is essentially blood pooling under the surface of the retina. Fortunately, it hasn't gotten any larger. I have an appointment with my retina surgeon on Wednesday to see what can be done. Hopefully, this can be fixed, so I don't lose either that part of the retina (or the whole eye).

Every time I start digging myself out of the hole I'm in, something/someone comes to start kicking me down again. I'm really done with all this.

I'm beginning to think it's time to punch out, and go look for that village I keep dreaming of.
Click to expand...

Hang in there. Continue to be persistent. You'll win out.
 
Howard Wallace said:
Our ongoing change and decay is part of the human condition. Perhaps it contains a puzzle all of us in this situation need to solve. True, we may choose to tip over the pieces without solving them and leave the room.

I've always suspected another version of the same puzzle awaits outside the door.

Best wishes on the eye problem.
Click to expand...

Very good words. And I wonder ...
 
man i really do hear where you are coming from - every day i wake up almost yelling - sometimes yelling out loud - after sitting more than 30 minutes my feet are like walking ion broken glass or fire or somewhere between - i wake up several times every night in pain so i never sleep worth a dam - and i cant work to make any good money anymore - i am retired at 45 - and it sux

my uncle said to me one morning "if i thought i would wake up feeling like you i would be scared to go to sleep"

even with medication I still have so much pain i cant stand it sometimes but i keep trying to push forward - yesterday i drove down to Richmond to get some dogs and i stopped to get coffee it took me 2 whole min to get out of the van and another 3 min to walk across the small parking lot to the door.

someways are really bad - and i think of that kinda stuff - last week i unloaded my guns and had my roommate keep them n his room because i was in so much consistent pain that I was in a really bad space mentally

i really do think that way more often than i care to say -- but i figure someday it will be ok -- and ok is highly under-rated

as i type this i have to stand because sitting is really bad -- my feet are throbbing my back is screaming and my right leg is half numb and half on fire

i think i ill go lay on the couch and curl up with my dog - she understands

sometimes i dont check out just because i promised my dogs that they will always be safe
 
Thanks, BFH.

I understand your pain (literally). I can't take my pain meds right now because they also thin the blood and can make this worse, so basically every part of my body is sore and my left foot and back are killing me.

The retina surgeon I'm seeing Wednesday is the same one who did the laser surgery before to kill off some of the odd blood vessels that grow in the eyes of diabetics (which is what's causing this). What I'm worried about right now is permanent damage being done before it gets fixed. I guess the good news is, the spot hasn't gotten any bigger, and with a few floaters in my eyes now, I'd say that probably means the pressure isn't increasing on the surface of the retina.



BTW when I say "checking out" I don't mean killing myself. I mean stop playing by thew world's rules. For the most part I'v ebeen trying to be the "good little citizen", and just get kicked around for it. I've been looking at wooded lots around me and thinking of scratching up the dough to buy one, then just moving a camper or one of those little houses on it, or building a "garage/workshop", and finishing a living space in it after the inspections are done. That way I can keep my job (and medical care), do all the things I do now, and when on my property I can live the fantasy of being a "frontiersman" -- all for the fraction of the cost of being a mortgage slave.

I'm even looking into one of these: Colorado Yurt Company

With their "big wind" package, they can meet the housing requirements of standing up to cat 3 winds (125 MPH) required by FL housing codes.

yurt_photo_gallery_22.jpg


yurt_photo_gallery_10.jpg
 
BFH44 said:
as i type this i have to stand because sitting is really bad -- my feet are throbbing my back is screaming and my right leg is half numb and half on fire
Click to expand...

That sounds familiar!

My right leg isn't half numb, it's half gone -- prosthetic foot. Not much pain there. :p

But my back just really gave out, compressed disks, arthritis, and my left leg got that "on fire" feeling whenever I moved it. Including pretending I could sleep for more than a couple of hours.

So I ended up with physical therapy three times a week this whole month, and now I am almost back to normal. If I keep up the exercises, I'll be OK.

Like with your uncle's eyes, these problems are not all permanent. You just have to know where to go for relief.
 
sorry about my earlier post guys -- i had several windows open i meant to send that as a personal message - typed it on word and cut pasted it i -- must have put it in the wrong window

but i am glad that other people said something i didn't know that there were other people here with problems like this -- after reading i do not feel quite so alone

thanks for clarifying Cpl - i have had a couple of friends over the years take their own life and it always worries me when someone says it casually rather than saying it direct and loudly.

The people i have known that did it never said anything while people i have know saying 'i going kill myself ' loudly never did.


those place look great thanks for posting the links and pics


it sounds like you have the same thing my uncle had - every week or two they had to check the pressure in his eye like on a tire.

i have a feeling you will be ok - like i said my uncle had become blind from that and now sees good enough to drive

but it took a couple months two procedures and a dozen trips to the doctor

good luck
 
Best of luck Cpl, and same to you BFH. Seems everyone has their own battles they're fighting. Take care of yourselves guys.

Howard, as usual, your posts are very thought-provoking. It must take decades to recognise the puzzle, let alone solve it. I've got a while yet.
 
Cpl Punishment said:
... I mean stop playing by thew world's rules. For the most part I'v ebeen trying to be the "good little citizen", and just get kicked around for it. I've been looking at wooded lots around me and thinking of scratching up the dough to buy one, then just moving a camper or one of those little houses on it, or building a "garage/workshop", and finishing a living space in it after the inspections are done. That way I can keep my job (and medical care), do all the things I do now, and when on my property I can live the fantasy of being a "frontiersman" -- all for the fraction of the cost of being a mortgage slave.
...
Click to expand...

Speaking of puzzles, that sounds like a unique approach. An alternative to just pounding harder to fit the round peg into the square hole.
 
Well, Howard, I'm all for punching that peg harder, so it certainly is a new approach for me.
It will also take me straight out of the mainstream of American life -- not playing their game is frowned upon.

But then, I don't much like their game, so they can pouch sand.

I also came across some neat things called Small Houses. What they are is guys build a house on a flatbed cargo trailer. As long as it stays under 400 sq feet, it's considered an RV, and all you need is a license plate for the trailer. Over 400 sq feet, and it's considered a mobile home, and subject to HUD rules.

I think I still like the Yurt better -- especially since it's what I lived in in that village I dream about. :D
 
i lived off the grid for ten years till i moved here to take care of my uncle - really not hard to do
 
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