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My kids are my life

Discussion in 'Community Center' started by Yo Mama, Jan 28, 2020.

  1. Yo Mama

    Yo Mama

    Sep 25, 2011
    My kids are my life, but now they are growing up so fast.

    To anyone that has raised children, how do you not get depressed when they start going off on their own? Any experiences would be helpful, and appreciated.
  2. l1ranger

    l1ranger Gold Member Gold Member

    Jan 27, 2017
    less dishes, less laundry, less food expense, less electricity less trash to take out, etc.
    wear whatever I want, whenever I want
    no grumbling about chores, no picking up random objects that get left in odd places
    don't have to pick them up from...or drop them off at...
    and a little bit of pride in knowing I've help shaped an independent person that is a contributing member to society and doesn't need me for everything.

    Mine are 20 and 17 and have been gone to schools since August 2018. it was a bit of an adjustment, but now, after a few weeks of them at the holidays and summer - its time to get my house back
  3. The entire purpose of parenting is to prepare your kids to be able to live independent of yourself...

    Guess it's all in how you look at it; as are most things in life.
    jaseman and Yo Mama like this.
  4. OogieBoogie

    OogieBoogie Gold Member Gold Member

    Mar 29, 2014
    My 'empty nest' years were short. My kids grew up and then started having kids. Now my house is noisy and joyful again.
  5. Shann


    Sep 2, 2004
    Its tough, but that is the way its supposed to go, I guess. My son moved out to go to college when he was 18 and except for vacations when he came home he has been gone for 10 years. He's somehow managed to get all the way out to Seattle (I'm in Vermont) so I don't see him often. It wasn't bad when he was living in CT or MA because we could always make a weekend trip to see him. Can't do that when it takes a whole day to fly out to Seattle.
    Yo Mama likes this.
  6. Monofletch

    Monofletch Basic Member Basic Member

    Jan 14, 2010
    I have been lucky. My twins are great. Hard workers and straight A’s. They will be off to college next year. I will miss them but it’s their time. I hope I have given them the tools they need to contribute to society.
  7. jaseman


    Jul 28, 2016
    Absolutely. You’re not raising kids, your raising future adults.

    That’s said, mine is only 10, and even now it’s tough letter her grow up and be independent. I can’t imagine what it’s gonna be like to watch her go off on her own into the world.
  8. JJHollowman


    Jul 16, 2016
    Mine are grown and gone but they do drop the grandkids off so that's what we do now. Oddly enough I like taking care of the grandkids perhaps more than i did my own kids. I can give em lots of sugar, buy them stuff I'd never buy my own like musical and other noisemaking instruments knowing full well I'm sending them home with it, just spoil them rotten with no repercussion because as Grampa I'm supposed to do that. I didn't have much money as a young man raising kids but i have money now so the grand babies are enjoying pawpaws generosity. My kids weren't deprived, they got the same treatment from my folks.

    One more thing- if they're going to school anywhere even close to home you'll still be feeding them, washing clothes, and handing out cash just like they were still home! What a great deal for you, huh! :D
    Yo Mama and jaseman like this.
  9. 1AbominAble1

    1AbominAble1 Gold Member Gold Member

    Jul 26, 2010
    My oldest is only 12 now but I can’t imagine life with him not here, thankfully my youngest is only 6 so she’ll be here for a bit:)

    My wife and I also look at it as raising future adults and do our best to prepare them for their futures, not ours.
    It’ll be enjoyable to watch them leave the nest and begin the lives that they choose, but, it won’t be any less painful when they leave.
    The idea of doing whatever we want and finally getting the house set up the way that we want sounds great, so does more hunting and traveling with my wife. I just can’t help but feel that if someone puts in the actual effort, care, and love into raising decent human beings that no part of you will ever truly enjoy them leaving and that the things that you do when they’re gone are to fill a void, not satisfy a curiosity.
    Such is the way of things. We all survive heartbreak, young love, hardship, hunger, pain, loss of loved ones and friends, etc. We’ll all survive the kids leaving and will find something to fill the time, I’ll just never pretend that I’m looking forward to it because the years I’ve had with my kids growing up in this house have been the best of my life.
    I don’t think I’ll miss the noise, but, maybe I will.
    Yo Mama likes this.
  10. 12345678910


    Jul 13, 2009
    Get a life.
    Yo Mama likes this.
  11. cj65

    cj65 Gold Member Gold Member

    Aug 30, 2008
    3rd marriage to an awesome wifey. We have been together 14 yrs. We fought and won custody of my twin boys. We raised her 3 kids and my twins and helped her oldest daughter (she lived with her dad and I met her when she was 14). She had some drug issues and she moved in and we raised her first kid our grandkid for 3 yrs. Her and her husband are now clean and sober. They have 3 kids and doing fine. Both my twins are 22 now and have decided to live with their mom and her husband. Oh yeah, we also took in a foster kid. Long story, but have him for 2 yrs now. Only two left in the house. I don’t miss the rest of them. They stay in touch and are doing their own thing. If they are happy and getting all they want out of life, and being productive, selfishly, I feel like I did my job, and relieved they are not sitting in the basement in soiled underwear eating Hot Pockets and playing video games.
    I think wifey misses hers a bit, but mainly her grand kids. I have only a smidgen of guilt feelings that my twins had a tumultuous upbringing. My ex screwed up pretty bad. You know fathers don’t get full custody unless something really wrong happens under moms watch.
    Anyways. Nope, I don’t miss them. I launched my own contracting business and am so busy with that, I don’t have time to miss them. Plus, I know I gave it my best and put me and my jobs second to my children. That season of life is gone, and I am truly enjoying my freedom, as a father/step father/foster father of 5 boys and 2 girls.
    Yo Mama and Grateful like this.
  12. rick melear

    rick melear Gold Member Gold Member

    Nov 28, 1998
    We have raised three and through the bumps in the road they’ve old grown to be awesome adults. All three married to fine spouses and our oldest has blessed us with two grandkids.
    Back to your question, it’s very hard to see them spread their wings and go into the world, no question about. It’s also a time to rejoice and get to know your wife again. The old saying, it’s the best of things and the hardest of times. For us, life is grand and we celebrate Gods Grace
    cj65 and Yo Mama like this.
  13. SVTFreak

    SVTFreak Gold Member Gold Member

    Mar 8, 2011
    Me and my wife just have another one... we have 5. 23, 20, 13, 8 and 3. The three last are at home. I’m sure the day will come when the house is too quiet, but by then we’ll have been raising kids so long that it’ll be a welcome change and grandkids will be coming along haha! But, my wife and I maintain our relationship and we out each other before the kids. That is how it is supposed to be. When they do finally leave, we won’t be strangers to each other. We’ll have still had our relationship of husband and wife all along while being mother and father.
    Yo Mama, mabrowns and cbr1000 like this.
  14. Yo Mama

    Yo Mama

    Sep 25, 2011
    Thanks everyone, for the advise and openness you were kind enough to share. It helps add perspective to what I'm going through, and helps with how to look at the big picture.
  15. cj65

    cj65 Gold Member Gold Member

    Aug 30, 2008
    Xackly. Keep an open mind.
    Yo Mama likes this.
  16. stevewest


    Nov 25, 2006
    Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself "Job well done!"
  17. Shann


    Sep 2, 2004
    You never stop worrying about your kids. My Mom called me last night to see if I'm okay (she's 84, I'm 53).

    My son lives in Washington State. He is now working from home (tech sector). Two of his roommates work for Nintendo and are also working from home because a Nintendo employee tested positive and everybody was sent home to self-quarantine. His other roommate is a barista so had a lot of public contact. Their tiny little apartment is a festering hot zone of potential coronavirus. Luckily he is young and in excellent physical condition with no conditions that place him at high risk. But I still worry.

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