A few things to all my freinds, friends and voices I can't tell you how much meant to me just now.
One. I did not have a khukuri on me and would not have used it had I. By the time i realized my life was in danger it would have been too late to draw it. I'd already given it to the resraruant staff to give to a decent guy I liked who owned the place. It was well behind the counter and I never once thought of grabbing it. After the first blow to the head from the side, I couldn't think much of anything- I was just trying to survive and prevent a skull fracture. People have come to me now and told me, 'I knew he couldn't have hit you that hard alone- it was the glass."
two, the only time I will ever draw lethal force is when I know my life is in danger and I must prevent it. I just didn't know. I didn't know we were in a fight. I thought I was going to bring peace to our troubled past.
three, I think about suicide the same way a rightious soul does upon rare occasions like this; though I hate my human mistakes and limitations, I would never do it. I wish there was some relief, but relief only comes in accepting pain, not in running from it.
I am damn grateful to be alive and praying to God the way I should have been earlier. A sobriety is not just an absence of booze, it is living a life which shows you care and exist on this planet. I'm back. my wife had earlier that day confronted me about sneak drinking, and I'd told the truth and knew it was now over. I didn't expect a head cracking experience, but you know, I'll take it; I'm back.
I am trying to avoid the stockholm/denny experience where you forgive your attacker so much you forget to insist he take responsibility for what he's done. I'm told not to make decsions now as I've a head injury .( hey, my pupil came back down- glad to see it.)
This man needs even- but I sure as hell don't know how to give it to him. YOu've all seen this before, but there is going to be a rush of some poor misguided souls to reassure this hateful blob. they will tell him he's alright, that he didn't kill me, and that I had it coming because i tried talking to him. And so it goes.
Karma and God may have to pay the piper here. I have a wife and kids just a few yards from him. I don't trust him or the small animal bones on his drive way, the poached and left dead deer on the road. But I'm not leaving. There's probably going to be enough defense in any vehicle I drive past his place. I can shoot a beer can off hand at 65 yards with my revolvers. That won't help me if he snipes me someday, but i don't think he'd like to exchange shots directly.
But something tells me it won't come to that. I feel a bigger wheel in motion now, can't put it into words or explain what I mean. He's crossed some line there is no going back from unless you humble yourself to the Almighty, be that The Way, Hinduism, or Native American beliefs. Things happen to those who cannot be made humble.
Bill might be better able to say this; the man has entered a place where the hounds are agoing to be coming down upon his head, and this man does not have the insight to keep them at bay. They are coming. I can almost hear them in my addled state.
munk
