Toughest day I've ever faced, buried my dog today

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Mark Terrell

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Man, I've had some really hard days in my life, and I've weathered some bad times, but today far surpassed everything..... I've tried to post this so many times today but just couldn't make it thorough it without breaking down... This is long, and I'm sorry for that, but if you have a dog that's not just a dog, you understand...



My best friend (other than my wife), my confidant, my steadfast companion of almost 11 years passed away early this morning. I'm referring to my German Shorthaired Pointer, Annie.

I think at this point, I've cried almost all the tears I can, and I feel like I can make it through this...

A couple of days ago I noticed that she wasn't feeling too hot, so I kept an eye on her... She started weakening, and I thought she just ate something over at the in-laws place that made her have an upset stomach.. By late Sunday night I knew it was getting really bad, and I didn't think she would make it until the morning...

At that point, I thought it was her heart b/c a year and a half ago she had heart-worms and we got that solved, but never knew if they had done comprehensive damage....

I called the vet, and he was gone until Monday morning, so I did what I always said I'd do if I knew she was at her end... I carried her into our room and let her sleep in the bed with me one last time... I figured I'd wake up and she wouldn't but at least she'd be there with me... I talked to her for a while, and I knew that the recent health problems had taken a lot out of her. I simply told her, "you've done all I could ask, and you made it to see my son come home and get to nearly 7 months old. Do what's right for you for once Annie, and if you don't want to fight any more, it's ok to go."

Of course, I didn't sleep at all.... She made it until the morning, and seemed a little better... A couple of hours later I saw her spotting blood and I rushed her to the vet....

My wife had to go out of town (Monday) overnight, so I called her to let her know what was going on... The vet called me back (around 7 p.m.) and let me know the prognosis... She had a auto immune problem that stemmed back to the heartworms and it had been present for a good while now (we didn't know that), but something kicked it into overdrive... It was setting course for massive systemic failure...

The vet felt confident that she could be treated, but I knew that I had held my pooch for the last time while she still had breath in her... I didn't sleep again last night and I wished that I'd brought her home with me so she could be here when it happened, but I wanted her to be comfortable, and if there was any chance of healing her I thought it was worth taking...

I know it sounds weird, but around 7:00 this morning, I knew she was gone. Around 8:00 the vet called and told me the news and I told him that I already knew b/c I just felt it around 7:00.... He said that she wasn't hurting, and she did indeed pass at 7:04 a.m. They had video, so he rolled it back to see what her night was like.

She was tired and had fought off as much as she could, and it was very rapid... I'm comforted by the fact that she wasn't in pain, and it wasn't a drawn out ordeal.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get enough composure to go get her so I could lay her to rest.... I called my wife to let her know and she was devastated... I waited to go get Annie until Chel got home and we went up there and picked her up. That was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do.

She was in a plastic bag (standard procedure) and I told myself that it was simply too unfitting to leave her in there, so I'd remove her and bury her properly... I just couldn't do it though, I couldn't see her like that, so I got her home and I sat with her for a while and talked to her. That was really, really hard to do... My other dog knew what was going on, and she sat by our gate and whined at my truck bed (where Annie's body was) for some time....

This evening Chel and I picked a spot in our flower garden and we buried her there. She's within a stone's throw of our house, yard and my shop, and that's how I wanted it and I'd suspect she would too...

I've got plans to put in a rock base and a fountain above her with a bench nearby... That may seem somewhat strange or morbid, but I've shared everything with her for over a decade and I still need to know she's there for me to talk to...

I will miss her every day, and she enriched my life in so many ways... She made a million different moves with me, rode a lot of miles, was there when we came home college grads, was there when Chel and I came home newlyweds, was home with a wagging tail when we brought home our first born, Hudson..

I just pray I did right by her, and I know that God got a really good dog today/yesterday. I'm as sad as I've ever been right now, and I've cried so much I think I may be out of tears, but I'm sure over the next few days I'll find more. I knew this day would come, and I feel blessed for having her be such a large part of our lives... I keep finding myself holding her collar and going out to her spot (we have a layer of bricks on top of it right now) and just sitting and reflecting. I went for a drive, which was theraputic, but I came home to her not greeting me, and that hurt, a lot...

I'm really sorry for giving every detail, but I owe her that much and a lot more.. I'm glad I was here when it happened, and not at Blade. Therein lies another problem, I haven't been in the shop for a couple of days, and my heart and attention lies elsewhere right now, so I'm going to really have to find a way to make it though this to get things done for the show... Please forgive me if I don't show up in Atlanta with the usual bevy of blades, but right now it's going to be a task to reach the finish line....

Thanks all, and rest in peace Annie, you are missed....



Sincerely,

Mark Terrell


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My Condolences. Good dogs, as they are good friends, are always with you. Family doesn't always walk just on two legs.
 
Thats a heart breaking read Mark.

Again I wish you all the best, I know how it feels man, its not good but things will get better eventually.
 
I know Annie was a big part of the Terrell family and will be missed......RIP Annie.

Thoughts and prayers Mark and Chel........
 
Thank you for sharing that with us (now I'm tearing up to!). God bless you as deal with the loss.

- Mark
 
Will be thinking of you and your family during the coming days and ask God to help you find comfort somehow through this difficult time
 
Mark, I so feel your pain...we lost our Collie Doc last summer July 5 2008 here is the eulogy I wrote for him.

07/05/2008


Doc came into our lives in early June of 1996. We picked him out of a litter of puppies because of all the collie pups there Doc seemed to be the most docile and loveable. Boy were we right. We named the puppy Doc after Doc, one of the Seven Dwarfs because he would be “good for what ails you” We were right on that score too.

Doc was the most gentle and loving Collie one could ever wish for. He was a friend, a good shepherd and above all a fantastic dog for my children. Doc at an early age saved my youngest son from drowning. We live on a large piece of property with a pond. At the time our youngest son Aaron was a toddler. My wife stepped into the shower for a quick shower and the other two boys left the door open and the toddler wandered out into the back yard. At that time Doc never was in our house and suddenly my wife found herself taking a shower with a Collie. Doc barked at her and jumped out of the shower and took off at a dead run through the house. My wife threw on a bathrobe and followed the collie who already was blocking the way to the pond with his body to prevent Aaron from getting any closer to the water.

Doc would escort our kids to the bus stop. He would stand vigil waiting and guarding until the kids were picked up and then went to the front porch and sat and waited until three o’clock. I do not know how that dog knew how to tell time but he would then stand up and wait at the end of the drive way. Ears perked, nose in the breeze and would wait for the bus to drop off our kids.

Doc presided over hundreds of basketball games in the driveway, sledding parties, slumber parties, exploration trips to the gravel pit behind our house, always vigilant always guarding our kids. Always gentle.

Doc earned the title “Gentle Doc” as he loved small children. Even as a 140lb Collie Doc knew how to be kind and gentle with little children. He was never silly, rough, or mean. Little kids loved Doc. He would let them climb all over him and ride his back. The more kids the happier Doc was. He would be wandering around the yard herding children with a big smile on his long nose. He loved people and kids especially. Even children who were deathly afraid of Dogs learned to love Doc. He was that gentle.

One of Docs favorite games was to play “ sneak into the graveyard” We live across the street from a large Cemetery and on some mornings Doc thought it fun to sneak across our gravel road and into the Cemetery. We of course would see his attempt and tap on the window and his ears would go flat and his tail would go between his legs and you could see him think “Rats foiled again” but when he did make it across into the cemetery he would wait till we saw him return from his gallivant with his tail swishing and a big grin on his face like “ha-ha…I had a blast and you didn’t catch me” Although Dogs are forbidden in the Cemetery even the Sexton of our small town loved Doc. He never complained when Doc was successful in evading our watchful eye.

Doc was also friends with the Doggy Daycare person in town. When we left on various vacations Doc was the only dog that did not need to stay in the kennel. He lived in her house and slept in her bed with her. A special treat for Doc because she also fed him Pizza now and then. Doc loved to help her herd all the other puppies during “exercise time” and when he became older presided over the shenanigans from the shade of her porch. He was loved there too.

The mailman and Doc were friends also. He always gave Doc a doggy treat and Doc waited patiently for the mail to arrive every day so he could get a pat on the head and a milk bone. The old urban rumor of Mailman and Dog did not apply to Doc. Doc loved our mailman and our mailman loved Doc.

Doc also loved our cat and our Pug. When the Pug was a little puppy often dock would lie on the ground so he could be “pug size” and would play for hours with this puppy entertaining him. He often let the cat share his kennel on cold winter nights. (In exchange for getting a taste of cat food which the Cat allowed by moving her bowl into Collie range.)

Doc was loved by everyone and Doc loved everyone back. Many guests and Co-workers of mine sat in our home or on our Deck and Doc would be there to great them and wait to be petted by them. Doc loved people.

We rarely heard Doc bark. One fond memory we had was one winter night our fat pug decided that his bowl of food was not enough and went into our mud room to eat some of Docs food…we heard a huge and ferocious barking and the pug scooted out of the mud room with his tail between his legs..”Sheesh..dont get sore about it” The pug never ate out of Docs food again. Doc one time barked at a door to door salesperson that had a bad vibe. I was gone and he approached the house when the kids were in the yard playing. He spoke to one of my kids. Bad idea, you should check with the shepherd before speaking to the sheep. He never made it to the doorbell. Doc growled and barked so savagely that the kids were amazed.

About two hours ago Doc, the Collie, faithful friend, Family member, and the best dog a family could ever be blessed with died peacefully in my and my son’s arms. In the last year Docs health had begun to decline, He had stopped eating, and had lost almost half of his body weight in over a year. He was becoming incontinent and for a dog that we honest to god never had to pick up a dog poop because he was shy about his daily toilet, this was a huge embarrassment for him.

This morning he was unable to stand and looked at me with pain in his eyes and I knew it was time for him to go. My son and I carried him to my car and put him in the back seat. As we drove away from the house he raised his head and looked at our house for one last time and whined and howled. It broke my heart, but he knew it was his time.

I am so glad that I was such a lucky man to have such a wonderful dog as a friend and a pet and as a member of my family. Some people say that Dogs do not go to heaven. I do not believe that for a minute. Doc is in heaven right now. Healthy, happy and hopefully guarding some children on a playground somewhere.

RIP my beloved pet. I loved you.

Ren


and they say Dogs cannot smile...

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I rarely post here, but sometimes I find that I really need to.
Mark I'm so sorry for your loss and words from a stranger are never going to make things better, but the love you showed in your first post is evidence that you gave Annie the best life any dog could wish for. Take comfort from that.

Dan
 
Thanks all...

I got up today after finally sleeping (I'd slept 2 hrs in the past 48 or so....), and I honestly thought that I'd feel somewhat better.. I did for a little bit, but it's still just really hard, and I can tell this is going to take a while....

My wife an I do want to get another GSP, so maybe after Blade, say sometime in June, we can find a breeder in the hill country... I love that breed so much, so I just think I'm going to stick with them...

If anyone knows a reputable breeder in the Texas Hill Country (I would like to get one close by so we can try and keep the blood lines this time), let me know...

We got Annie from a GSP breeder (AKC Registered) in Childress, Texas, but I'm not sure if he's still in the biz...



MT
 
Very sorry to hear it. :( On behalf of all six of the quadrupeds in our house, Kathy and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
 
That's rough. And I know the feeling ...

It seems like there is no pleasure without pain in this life.:(

It will grow better ... a little ... with time.
 
You have my sympathies. I still remember how heartbreaking it was to say goodbye to our cats, years ago.
 
Sad, sad story, Mark. I wish you and your family all the best in getting through this.
 
Very sorry to hear about your loss, Mark. I recently had to put my 12 year old cat to sleep and it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I can say that it takes some time to get over it but with time, it does get easier. I found that once I got over the loss, I was able to concentrate and think about all of the great times she brought me. I know in time you will do the same. :) Take care...
 
sorry for your loss mark...i know the feeling too,,it gets a little better ,,one day at a time

Don't ever call him, "just a dog." Who haven't the eyes to see
That I belong to him as much As he belongs to me
God must have had His reasons For making the likes of him
And I humbly hope with all my heart ...that I was one of them
The years have dulled his russet color And his vision is getting dim
And he walks with a limp when the days are cold Cause the dampness gets to him
He's not as young as he used to be And his whiskers are frosted white
But he wags his tail as if to say "You see, I'm still alright."
I cut his food in bite size chunks And he gives me a toothless grin
Trusting in my love for him Whatever shape he's in
He has accepted growing old The way men cannot do
And I'm not ashamed to say he's taught Me more than a thing or two
So, don't ever call him "just a dog"
Unless you are prepared
To match his steadfast loyalty
To care the way he's cared For many
the sad offenses Committed in love's name
And how many times it takes a dog ...to put a man to shame!!!!
 
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