Why is losing a pet harder for me than a human?

[JParanee]

I’m very sorry for your loss

dogs are my favorite people

 

[loon#r]

You lose a pet, friend, and a child at the same moment. And it seems to happen too soon after settling into a place with one another. Pets/animals have almost no faults. And they don’t fault you. You’re their parent, friend and leader all in one. They know they need you and maybe they even know that you need them. But they don’t stay around for long, which makes it hard.

We lost our dog (my dog!) Fred in 2019. Our kids adored him and he adored them. Although he had a trying and expensive hind leg issue when he was just over a year old he rehabbed and grew to a big, strong, fast dopey Great Dane. He made it a few weeks after his fourth birthday and lost to a bunch of strange complications and it dragged out for far too long (my fault). Fortunately. looking back, I was furloughed and could care of him, but after almost four weeks of sleeping in our great room next to him, picking him up from bed, holding him up outside, cleaning him, washing blankets, vet appointments, being a mess myself I realized that very soon the furlough would end and I simply couldn't care for him all day every day and work. It was January and we were getting tons of deep snow that he was falling into it, sometimes face first. It was insult to injury. The poor dog had been through enough. He went from 181lbs to 113lbs in a month and he could barely function. I was exhausted and it was affecting our family. But he was a great and sweet boy and I’m so happy we had him.

I’m not convinced that dogs know when something is wrong with them, not all the time at least. But we can tell and it’s our job to make the tough decision for them. Keep making the right decisions for them.

 

[taldesta]

You lose a pet, friend, and a child at the same moment. And it seems to happen too soon after settling into a place with one another. Pets/animals have almost no faults. And they don’t fault you. You’re their parent, friend and leader all in one. They know they need you and maybe they even know that you need them. But they don’t stay around for long, which makes it hard. <...> But he was a great and sweet boy and I’m so happy we had him.

I’m not convinced that dogs know when something is wrong with them, not all the time at least. But we can tell and it’s our job to make the tough decision for them. Keep making the right decisions for them.

You have been so eloquent in speaking of your loss. Thank you for your honesty. Yes, a friend and a child in one ... with a love for us and a trust in us that knows no bounds. In rising to this trust by seeing to their final moments in comfort, we honour and spare them.

My dear Desta - it's been a long life together that we've shared and now I miss you, remembering the best of times. So glad you enjoyed your last dinner and felt my hand on you until you slept ... my dear girl, my grey muzzled treasure. So sad to lose you.

 

[David Mary]

I'm sorry I missed this thread until now, and truly sorry for your loss.

But I look at my dog and It takes all I can muster to hold back the tears. We never knew anything was wrong. He never gave us a sign of trouble. And we take our dogs to the vet multiple times a year. I guess I wish i could just have him understand one thing. That we are sorry and we love him. His sister seems to be very depressed. As if she knows something is wrong but again there is no understanding.

That and diesels sister (been together since babies but had different parents) another pug named harley, is very confused. She goes to areas of the house he used to sleep and she just whimpers.

Harley is going to be confused for a while.

When I read this part, I looked at the date of the post, and realized I might be too late, and I am sorry that I am, but I think it bears mentioning anyway, in case it can help others who might read this thread. Animals seem to be very capable grievers, meaning that once they know the fate of their fellow pets, they seem to be able to go through the process of acceptance and healing quite quickly. If Harley did not get to see Diesel's body after he passed, then she doesn't truly know what happened, and doesn't have the closure that she needs to truly move beyond the confusion and depression. If she didn't see his body, then she goes to those parts of the house because she doesn't know where he is, and hopes he'll just suddenly show up there again like nothing happened. Death can be explained to human children and family members, but pets can only understand, accept, grieve and move on if they actually see their deceased loved ones after their passing. Otherwise, it is a mystery to them, never to be truly solved.

When I pass, if it's before my cat does, I have willed that he sees my body before he is moved to a new home. If I get other pets in the interim, it will be the same with them, and if any pass before the others, the rest will be given time with the body grieve. In fact we'll likely all take that time together.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss, and regret that I wasn't able to put this idea forward in time.

 

[mb>]

I think a dog is the closest we come to experiencing unconditional love this side of heaven. They think you’re the absolute best person on the planet every day. Like the t-shirt says “I hope to become the person my dog thinks I am!”

It sure sucks to lose one.