Wife hates my knife making, need some tips

Trade her for a TW-90.

If you can't, then some type of counseling is in order. You may not want to hear it, but there is a possibility that your core values and priorities in life are no longer compatible. That type of marriage relationship will either eventually crash or reach a dysfunctional false equilibrium.

Couples counseling is a good option, but if she is resistant, you can also go to solo counseling to learn strategies to deal with her as well as other things to help yourself.

Edited to add: You may still love her and she may still love you, but in some cases, individuals can diverge so far apart in what they value and care about in life that love isn't enough to bridge that gap. I hope that isn't true for y'all, but you probably can use some professional help in the form of counseling to figure things out. Best to you.
 
When I read the OP's first paragraph I thought my god how Lucky I am. I too would say take a shot at counseling for what its worth.
This Fall it doesn't matter weather I've got 2 deer hanging or 4 she will be there until all of the cutting and wrapping is done. I will
admit it didn't happen over nite. good luck.
Ken.
 
Thanks for the information, still reading this over. I have been diligently trying to get the kids involved. I had a thought today. As Stacy said, I am going to work on some nice kitchen working knives. She is Buddhist as am I. Although I do not believe in any way what I am doing will harm anyone. I was explaining to her about the artistic aspect of knife making. The knives I am making are doubtful to be carried by someone doing a crime, but obviously you never know. I want to make some knives she will use. I want make her a knife that fits her hand perfectly so when she is using to cut veggies or her tofu she will maybe want another or even better yet ask me to make one for a friend. Divorce is not on the plate at all. I love my kids too much to do that to them and would rather just tough it out if need be. I think maybe she is just being a bit weird right now, who knows whats in her head. I do try to be pretty easy to get along with. Lately I have been trying to do most of the chores around the house or employ the kids to help me. She has to take care of the baby, she does not want anyone but Mom when she is hungry or sleepy so its useless to try anything else. Just figured I try to employ the collective knowledge here to see what is the best route to continue knife making and keep the family happy as well. All good thoughts guys, its all appreciated, thank you.
 
If its truly weird irrational fear of bad ”ju-ju” over evil knives. As other mentioned, kitchen knives are less objectionable as are (albeit, not as masculine of handycraft) fancy barbeque utensils, bottle openers, corkscrews, woodchisels, etc.
Its all just shaped steel with some kind of handle...

But of course not as valuable selling if your goal is turning a dime...
 
Thanks for the information, still reading this over. I have been diligently trying to get the kids involved. I had a thought today. As Stacy said, I am going to work on some nice kitchen working knives. She is Buddhist as am I. Although I do not believe in any way what I am doing will harm anyone. I was explaining to her about the artistic aspect of knife making. The knives I am making are doubtful to be carried by someone doing a crime, but obviously you never know. I want to make some knives she will use. I want make her a knife that fits her hand perfectly so when she is using to cut veggies or her tofu she will maybe want another or even better yet ask me to make one for a friend. Divorce is not on the plate at all. I love my kids too much to do that to them and would rather just tough it out if need be. I think maybe she is just being a bit weird right now, who knows whats in her head. I do try to be pretty easy to get along with. Lately I have been trying to do most of the chores around the house or employ the kids to help me. She has to take care of the baby, she does not want anyone but Mom when she is hungry or sleepy so its useless to try anything else. Just figured I try to employ the collective knowledge here to see what is the best route to continue knife making and keep the family happy as well. All good thoughts guys, its all appreciated, thank you.

Since you share a religion, that’s a plus. Go to your local esteemed Buddhist master or monk or priest and he will surely have an answer that settles her mind and let’s you be yourself as well. Good Luck!!
 
Frankly, this would be a deal breaker in my marriage. Knife making is a journey of incredible personal importance to every maker I've met. If you explain this to her - that making knives is therapeutic for you – she should respect that. If she can't respect something like this, then there's a serious problem in your marriage.

For what it's worth, I am a Buddhist as well (albeit the meat-eating kind, as are most Buddhists in Japan). Knives are tools. It's true, I rarely make weapons; I prefer to stick to kitchen and utility knives. But ultimately, there is no precept that forbids making an object that could potentially cause harm. DOING HARM is what's not ok.

The blade is mankind's oldest tool; civilization is built upon it. From the stone age to the iron age, the technology and skill in producing bladed tools has defined the development of the world's cultures. There will never be a world without cutting tools; and I can tell you, Buddhists use knives just as much as anybody else. How could you cook without them?
 
Frankly, this would be a deal breaker in my marriage. Knife making is a journey of incredible personal importance to every maker I've met. If you explain this to her - that making knives is therapeutic for you – she should respect that. If she can't respect something like this, then there's a serious problem in your marriage.

For what it's worth, I am a Buddhist as well (albeit the meat-eating kind, as are most Buddhists in Japan). Knives are tools. It's true, I rarely make weapons; I prefer to stick to kitchen and utility knives. But ultimately, there is no precept that forbids making an object that could potentially cause harm. DOING HARM is what's not ok.

The blade is mankind's oldest tool; civilization is built upon it. From the stone age to the iron age, the technology and skill in producing bladed tools has defined the development of the world's cultures. There will never be a world without cutting tools; and I can tell you, Buddhists use knives just as much as anybody else. How could you cook without them?

This is exactly where my mind is. When I am grinding the steel or sanding it seems I forget about the pain and my mind goes into the blade. I will talk to her about the therapeutic part. I should have seen that myself but sometimes you can be blinded by the subject at hand and not see the obvious. It would be great to sell something one day but for the most part right now its all about the journey and the learning. The shaping of the steel from just a slab to something that is useful and wanted. I really enjoy it. Again thank you all for the advise. Its nice to get some input from those who might have been there at a time or two. My first blade went to my Dad for Christmas last year, I messed around on it for what seemed to be months and never got it right. Hated to give it to him thinking it was not good enough, I would never finish. The old man almost cried when I gave it to him. I told him it was not so good and needed work. He said it great as it was and he knew the hours put into it. That made it all worth it. I hope to make a knife my kids will have when they have kids and they can say I made by hand and tell their kids. A good knife is something that can do that and surpass generations with a story attached. Those are some of the reasons I am doing what I am doing. Never crossed my mind anyone would ever get hurt on anything I made even though I have cut and skinned every finger a dozen times over doing this lol. My blood went into the blade and gave it some character.
 
You're obviously going through a lot personally, and I can see that this hobby/craft is personally rewarding to you. While you're crafting a knife, it helps relax you, gives you something to focus on, and you just enjoying making things. It truly is art. People like to understand why you are doing something, and I think explaining that this is a form of art that you enjoy will go a long way. It sounds like you're already doing this, which is good.

Regardless, you need to think deeply on if this is truly something to break up a marriage over, although I feel it's most likely indicative of other problems in the relationship.
 
Hello and and thank you for the support I have been given from you all. Honest respect for those who have came before and had to use the old fashioned ways to learn this stuff. I have watched some of your all videos dozens of times to get something down pat, I have saved data, kept files and made a learning excel file to keep it all in. I am learning, slowing but surely. For those who know me I am also working with a handicap. I took a serious spinal injury during a training accident years ago in the Army. I have had 7 surgeries and the VA is wanting to go in again. Not looking forward to it. Honestly that is not the biggest issue I have. I have learned to work around not having full use of my hands and not being able to stand for long periods of time and just the pain in general. Even my doctor said its good therapy for me. The biggest obstacle I am having is my wife. She is giving all kinds of trouble about me making knives. She said it is evil because its a weapon. We now live in California and she is turning into a vegetarian, don't kill animals, don't hurt anything (even a bug) kind of person. Now since I have been married to her (14 years and 3 kids later) I have given up fishing (hurts fish) and hunting to appease her. She gives me a hard time when I spray for the summer time ants we tend to get around here. Now she is starting on me about the blade making. Now its fine when I repair her friends kitchen knives and repair and profile a messed up cleaver, but anything else is nothing but trouble. This is just causing problems and its getting more and more of a problem. Anyone had issues like this and if so I would be happy to get any input you might have to help appease her. I told her that you can not label every knife a weapon, lots of things are weapons. I told her a stick or a big boot can be a weapon, her answers are always the same, "thats different". She wants me to throw my bolt action rifle in the ocean so no human can ever make harm with it. She has went as far as to say once I die she will not allow any of my knife collections or weapons to go into anyone hands, she will destroy them all so no one will be harmed by them. I am going to try and get that taken of legally so that won't happen, but that is an example of what I am dealing with. Watching knife making videos is bad for my brain and I cant let the kids watch them either, makes their brains no good. The best one I have heard is my knife making is making our kids sick because I am creating bad karma. My shop is downstairs in a storage room with some basic DIY ventilation. I confirmed its not the dust she is talking about, she is seriously talking about karma. I told her that was about the limit of stupidity I could listen to and walked away on that one.

Two questions :
Why doesn't she go play with some one she likes ? (It's not you . . . meaning you aren't wrong but she shouldn't spend her life trying to change you).

Why don't you use paragraphs ?

PS :
It would be great to sell something one day but for the most part right now its all about the journey and the learning. The shaping of the steel from just a slab to something that is useful and wanted. I really enjoy it.
More power to you. I can appreciate that.
 
I understand the theraputic part very well. I got in to knife making after getting serious health problems as well.

The way I see it:
You are both exactly 50% of your marriage. You are both exactly as important as the other.
That doesn't mean that you should have the same views or interests but you should understand and accept what is importany to the orher.
Respect what is important for the orther and accept that he/she may not like something as much as you do.

It sounds like you have given up things that are important to you (hunting/fishing)
If she sees any value in your marriage and respects you she doesn't have to LIKE your knife making but it would be fair that she would accept and respect it.

She shouldn't try and force her views on to you.

Practically I'd tell her: "I'm going in to my workshop because this is what I need right now."
If she objects just say: "I need this right now" or "I am 50% of us and this is what I need right now"
Just do it and keep your projects to your self for a while.
 
I understand the theraputic part very well. I got in to knife making after getting serious health problems as well.

The way I see it:
You are both exactly 50% of your marriage. You are both exactly as important as the other.
That doesn't mean that you should have the same views or interests but you should understand and accept what is importany to the orher.
Respect what is important for the orther and accept that he/she may not like something as much as you do.

It sounds like you have given up things that are important to you (hunting/fishing)
If she sees any value in your marriage and respects you she doesn't have to LIKE your knife making but it would be fair that she would accept and respect it.

She shouldn't try and force her views on to you.

Practically I'd tell her: "I'm going in to my workshop because this is what I need right now."
If she objects just say: "I need this right now" or "I am 50% of us and this is what I need right now"
Just do it and keep your projects to your self for a while.

Great advice here.
 
If you are determined to keep making knives then set that as a boundary that isn’t going to change. Until you make it abundantly clear that “this is something that I’m going to do and nothing is going to change that” then she will continue to consider it as something she could get you to stop doing. That being said, I know how women are. When they want something, they’ll wear on you over and over, for what seems like forever, until you just get sick of the hassle and give in. Don’t give in because that just rewards/encourages that behavior.

You might ask her, “what drew you to me when we first met? I was my own person, with my own beliefs, behaviors, and attributes. You liked me then for who I was then. That is how I won you over. Do you really just want me to be a mister potatoe head man, who you can just make up however you want? Or do you want me to be a man who is passionate about creating and expressing himself with his art? A man who can be himself and be supported by the one he loves the most, and supports fully in return? You know who I am, and you know we share the same beliefs regarding our religion. So trust me. Trust that I’m creating my art from a good place. A place where the human spirit dwells and allows itself to be seen through random flashes of creativity. From a karmic standpoint I’m obligated to use and foster this talent I’ve been afforded. To not would be selfish. The true essence of humanity can be found in art and in blade making specifically. You need look no further than the Japanese/Buddhist sword makers who’s process is carried out as a religious ritual.”

Or some other spiritual shit like that. ;)

Pursued her want what you want. What you’ve done up to this point hasn’t worked. So it’s time to try something else. A new tactic. Try to encorperate your guys’ religion into your knifemaking. Use religious texts about art to bolster(haha I pun) your case. Weapons aren’t just used for evil. They’re used to fight evil. IIRC hasn’t there been a considerable amount of violence involving Buddhist monks over in Burma/Myanmar? What about all the martial arts involving swords, spears, and whatnot? There is evil in the world, and the good need weapons to fight against it. People should be able to defend themselves. Heck the most devout Buddhists in the world do...

I’ve been with my wife for 7yrs, but don’t have human children. So I don’t presume to understand your situation personally. But I have seen friends who have stayed in relationships they’re miserable in, because of the children. They become a worn down shell of the man they once were. THAT has an impact on the children too. They’re very perceptive. They see everything and hold onto it, to use as a playbook for when they go through similar circumstances when they’re older. So think about what you would want them to do in the circumstance you’re in now. We have one life to live.

Again, I’m not trying to suggest you leave or stay with her. Just that you try and see things from as many angles as possible in order to make things better.

Good luck!
 
Unfortunately, it seems that SHE is the one that has changed and YOU are the only one willing to compromise. She is entitled to her own opinions but not her own FACTS. Calling knives and guns evil, is an ignorant assertion at best.

I get that she has become vegan/vegetarian and is very much against harming any life... My niece became a vegan and started dropping bombs on all of us about being "murderers". Luckily, she is a smart kid and it didn't take long before she realized that trying to force her lifestyle on others wasn't working. We make vegan dishes at family gatherings and can speak with civility about topics she is passionate about, now... and I think she has had more impact toward her cause than she ever could have, being unreasonable. My wife battled major gallbladder issues and rather than surgery, changed her diet for 5-6 years. I adjusted my diet to suit... no brainer, I love her. Eventually, it bested her efforts and she had it removed... she didn't realize how much she missed butter and steak.

Sounds like she is trying to claim the moral high ground... a little google-fu will dispel that.
If your wife drives a car, uses paper products, owns a cell phone, walks in the grass, doesn't buy locally grown food, locally made clothing, or accepts the army benefits you are receiving for your injury, she is contributing to or benefiting from the "senseless slaughter of the innocents". Maybe you should point out that mass-produced overseas products aren't so environmental either and you are trying to make tools that will prepare vegan food for generations.

The bottom line is that you are dealing with enough, as it is. You seem to be making many allowances to appease her... she needs to be willing to do the same or it will eventually come to a head.

Your wife thinks she is a "champion for life" and is blind to her own shortcomings and selfishness... that is a very difficult and volatile situation.

Unless, you are actually a jerk. We ARE only hearing one side, here... lol.
 
Don Fogg, one of America's great knife makers, wrote some beautiful essays about bladesmithing as a spiritual path. In fact, he originally picked up the craft as a way of working through his experiences in Vietnam. I definitely see a big Buddhist influence on his outlook.

It's unfortunately only available now on the "way back machine," but here's the link. You (and your wife) might find it helpful:

https://web.archive.org/web/20080803235757/http://www.dfoggknives.com:80/wayof.htm
 
1) Wow bad deal man, feel for ya.

2) Thanks for your service.

3) Excellent advice here, some should be useful.

4) ABSOLUTELY vet the councillor before hand.

5) DO NOT (and I say this as a perceptive and excellent observer, an old guy with lots of experience watching the world go by) subvert yourself, your personality, for somebody else. You still must be who you are. It simply does not work and creates nothing but misery. Misery for you, misery for her and misery for the kids.

Good luck.

PS: When ya need a breather, click on the Instagram link in my signature line to see what the other part of California is like. Might be some good therapy.
 
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Horsewright has a good breakdown of this situation.

In the end, all the good advice can only guide you. You will have to make the decisions and actions necessary to find a remedy.

Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; This is good luck.
The Buddha
 
Thats rough man.
Im still pretty young but i do agree with what everyone says about being yourself.
Dont subdue it, or repress who you are. It typically doesnt work, and makes you miserable. I dont think i could give up fishing. (I havent gone in a while but i enjoy it)

There is no way i could give up knife making, its part of who i am. Having someone tell you to change who you are is not only tough but not right. Hopefully yu can change her mind with some sweet kitchen knives and show the utility of knives as tools.

As for the firearms and other knives make sure she cant get her hands on them. Another member said leave it at your friends/brothers house so she cant destroy it. I think thats a good idea. Someone, especially a loved one that wants to destroy your property is a difficult challenge to deal with. I know i couldnt do it.

I had a life choice that i had to make and tried changing for the girl i was with. It was ok for a few weeks but week 4-6-8 it started eating at me. And before i knew it, i was losing my shit. Couldn't think straight and finally couldnt take it. Told her, and that it essentially INSTANTLY ended the relationship. Sucks, but i couldnt pretend to what what she did.
 
I've been married 38 years, my wife is behind me 100%. We respect each other equally.
I am a lucky man!

Based on your side of the story, your wife is not following the true Buddhist way, she is creating conflict in her family. She is selfish, afraid, misguided & has no respect at all for you. She has become a product of the Liberal media brainwash movement. I personally would end this relationship.
 
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