- Joined
- Nov 27, 2013
- Messages
- 1,626
Good for you. Hold your ground and don’t back down. She is wrong and she is going to have to deal with it. Also, to hell with not making weapons. There is evil in the world and that evil needs to be fought against. There is nothing wrong with having a knife or gun for self defense. Just look at the Buddhist monks in Burma. Or the monks that use swords and spears in martial arts. The moment you bend on this is the moment you concede that this logic isn’t true, which you know isn’t the case. From what I understand, Buddhists believe in self defense. Doesn’t she want you to be able to defend the children if something were to happen?
It seems to me that she touts herself as the ultimate authority on these matters. That’s egotistic and narcissistic. That will “make the house sick.” This is the reality here, she wants you to do what she wants you to do, and if you don’t do it, she’s going to be mean to you. She’s going to treat you like crap. How in the hell does that align with Buddhist teachings? I would try and pick that apart, because THAT is the reality. Chances are, when you bring it up, she will shut you out and not listen. Because you’ll be saying that she can’t get what she wants and she just isn’t going to hear that. It will piss her off when you call her out and her anger/ego will tune you out. It doesn’t matter how logical or reasonable you are. So, it might be best to write it out in a letter. Maybe even start out by mentioning one of your faults. That has a way of disarming their mental defenses. Then follow up with a compliment about her. Then maybe say that you’ve been doing some spiritual counseling/research/meditation on this issue. Do some research in Buddhist texts to find passages about ego. Find some quotes that apply directly to her and the behaviors she’s exhibiting. Then say, I feel like you’re trying to stifle my creative energy/chi or whatever. End with some positive comments about how things used to be when you guys were happy, and how you want things to be that way again. Also about how you want to be with her and don’t want to split the family up. But you have to be able to engage fully with the talents you’ve been afforded and exercise your creative spirit.
Lastly, and most importantly, don’t back down. YOU are right and you know it. Don’t compromise, it will chip away at your soul. You will bottle it up and it will turn into resentment. I’ve seen friends go down this road and they wound up hating each other. This might be a make it or break it moment. But stand firm and hold your ground and set boundaries. I know you said that you’d be willing to suffer in silence for the kids, but is that allowing you to be the best you can be for them? Heck, is that allowing her to be the best she can be? It might just not be meant to be. I know that might be a notion that seems unfathomable, but divorce really isn’t the end of the world. It could be the best thing for the kids. If it was an amicable split, you two could be happy, possibly fall in love with someone else who was a better match and be amazingly happy. Or spend the rest of their childhoods unhappy and beat down. I’m sorry for saying this stuff about divorce, as I know you said it wasn’t an option. But it is. There has to be respect in a relationship for it to work, and she isn’t respecting you. I’m honestly saying this with the best of intentions.
Again, good luck.
