Dark Night of the Soul

Howard Wallace

Howard Wallace

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Feb 23, 1999
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Hello friends. I have not been here for a while. I stopped by to let you know how things are going and where I am.

I am currently in the dark night of the soul, described so aptly by St. John of the Cross.

My closest spiritual companion, to whom I have been married for 17 years, and who has borne me two children, has turned upon me. I have been accused of things both vile and untrue. The love and intimacy that we shared has been replaced with coldness and hatred. My heart is grievously wounded. My ego is in tatters. I face a battle that can not be won with guns or knives.

The martial arts that I have studied, and the weapons I have collected, are now being used to vilify me. My special khukuris have been boxed and sent far away to a safe place. My guns and other knives have been sold, and the money given to my beloved enemy. I stand naked before the Lord, ready to do battle.

Bill says that perhaps the karma between my wife and myself is close to done. I suspect my wise friend is right, but I also suspect I have at least a few painful lessons to learn yet before our ways part. I gird myself for a battle now, not to win her back, but to destroy the impurities lying scattered amongst the shards of my shattered self.

Little work has been done on the FAQ in recent weeks, and it will probably lie to the side of my life for the immediate future. Some day, perhaps, I can return to it with a deeper wisdom. For now, I must wander through the dark night.

Wish me luck, my friends.

Namaste.
 
Howard, for all of our frivolity, and sense of the ridiculous, there is a bond of friendship that runs strong and deep. Please know that you are greatly respected here. Wherever you go in the dark, we will keep a light for you. Fare well, and return.
 
Namaskar, Howard. As one who fights these battles every day, I understand the depth of your anguish. If I can offer you the solace of an ear to listen, please drop me an email. There is no victory in such a struggle, only survival - and renewal. Godspeed.
Berk
 
Howard, it is probably not much comfort, but, I have been where you are now.
It was some years ago...a fifteen year marriage.

It is a bad place.

I made it out, but the journey was slow.

I will pray for you, as others prayed for me.


--Mike L.
 
Howard as brothers of the Flute you have my deepest condolences. I also have been where you are. It's one battle that one does not escape, as there is no win or lose, without scars.
I wish you the beginnings of healing and pray that the God(s) are easy on you.
 
Allow me to add my condolences and also my well-wishes to you, Howard. I hope you can gain something from the poem you have quoted, as I have always found it very meaningful. I'm not much of a Christian, but I've always had a great respect for St. John and other Mystics.

Don't worry about the FAQ at all, none of us will miss the updates while this is going on. I'm sure I can speak for us all and say take care of yourself first.
 
Howard, know this: you are cared about, respected, and matter a great deal to those who've had a chance to know you.

Since I don't know what else to say I'll shut up.
 
As much as I would like to expound, I have not the energy now.
Cancer is a bummer.
 
God is with you Howard, rely on Him for strength. You will be in my prayers.
 
Very sorry to hear that you are in such pain Howard:( I will pray for you. Take Care and come back soon.
 
You have my prayers Howard. You will make it through. All things are possible to him that believes.
 
One of my wives took my carbon knives. I bought her stainless because she left them in the sink. She left those; Plus I`m dying of Agent Orange cancer and still have a girl friend go figure.
 
Warlock6,
I gave you more credit!! You tried to figure out the way a woman thinks?? Get real! I'm as old as you(almost)& learned "NEVER" try to do that! It's a lost cause! What solved that problem for me was when I asked one,Honey, "Why did you do that"! Her ans. was,"Because"!(I should have left it alone)!I said,"Because", is not an ans!She said,(honest)Because I "felt " like it!End of conversation!
Emotions(what they feel "at that time" are what rules)!
jim
 
As for "the way women 'think'", I quote Jeff Foxworthy.

Honey, I am sorry for what I have done, and I will send myself to my room to think about it. When I figure out what it is that I did, I will come and apilogise again.
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