Forgive us our Christmasses as we forgive those who Christmas against us

B

Bill Marsh

Joined
Mar 26, 2002
Messages
1,861
Well, it is off to visit the inlaws. We see them once or twice a year. They have NEVER visited us, though we have suggested it many times, and I really don't want to visit them.

I don't get the feeling that they really want us there either. All are Uber-Christians and really frown at Anne being my fifth wife (Hey, I am a romantic) and me being Anne's fourth husband (she is a romatic also). We grew up in a mindset that when you wanted to sleep with someone, you married them...

But Mama is closing in on 90 years -- may be gone next year -- and getting worse with the complaints and "organ recitals." This is where she lists every ailment, both real and mostly imaginary.

Then there is the "guilt-tripping." She seems to say, "You owe me your life. I carried you for nine months. It was the worst and most painful delivery ever known in the history of womankind! And yet, here I sit alone......."

Then she bad mouths everyone who is not present. You just gotta know that happens when you are not there, also.

Anne calls her faithfully about once a week, it is very frustrating for Anne because most of Mama's conversation revolves around the absolute fact that no one calls her often enough. I wonder why?

The last time Anne talked with Mama, Anne turned to me and said, "I need an exorcism!" That about says it.

Truthfully when I reach Mama's age, I will probably be worse! But now I am venting.

So I am setting my alarm system and have a house sitter whom I trust, letting the Big Dog out in the yard, he has a warm dog house, and we are heading about 200-odd miles north to the little town of Cherryville.

I try, I really try to love these people and I try to stay focussed on what is really going on here in the Christmas celebration.

Thank you Jesus for coming here to teach us forgiveness, and Buddy, be by my side as we face these in-laws!

Next year I hope for Anne and me to be somewhere traveling and not worried about the "folks." Maybe a Christmas and New Year's cruise?

I only go because Anne feels it is her duty. I love her and un-complainingly (to her) go along and smile at everyone.

Forgive us our Christmasses.............
 
Bill, I will say a prayer for you both! This is what my family's relationship became with my paternal grandfather. Very sad and frustrating:(

stevo
 
I remember reading a story about a society with only two laws. The first was that we shouldn't bother other people too much. The second was that we shouldn't be bothered by them too easily.

If only it were that neat.
 
Esav Benyamin said:
I remember reading a story about a society with only two laws. The first was that we shouldn't bother other people too much. The second was that we shouldn't be bothered by them too easily.
Click to expand...

There's something I can "AMEN" too!:thumbup:
 
You have it easy. Last year I went to Texas and OK rather than visit my inlaws, remember? (and they were coming to my house)

By God, Life is Cheap Out Here on the Brazos; and my Inlaws aren't here either.



munk
 
Best of luck with all of that, Bill.

And thanks for putting into such good words, what I'm sure people other than myself are also going through.
 
Then she bad mouths everyone who is not present. You just gotta know that happens when you are not there, also.
Click to expand...

You and I are in this together my friend--but you''re luckier than I--they're IN MY HOUSE until Wednesday. Love my father in law and MIL too, but she could try Ghandi's patience...

Ah well, let's look at it as an opportunity to test our patience. IF all else fails repeat my mantra of last resort:

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS"

Good luck Bill:thumbup:
 
IF all else fails repeat my mantra of last resort:

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS" >>>>>>>>>> Rob


My Mother repeated this many times throughout my childhood.



munk
 
Bill,

May you be filled with the spirit of the divine, in which forgiveness is not even a choice- it just happens, in which love is the overriding and dominant force, and all our human faults and frailties just pale in comparison.

And Merry Christmas,

John
 
Spectre; Wonderful thoughts. Hey, isn't that, "pale" ? I swear, I've so many errors, and you so few, we must be on opposite ends of the Bell Curve regarding precision.



munk
 
munk,
right you are. I've noticed myself becoming less precise in the last year or two.
Disturbing in some ways, and not so in others.

John
 
The worst In-Laws thing was when I was engaged to a girl whose parents were divorced.... Two sets of in-laws...and a mother that wasn't going for 1/3 attendance on holidays. "It's not fair that I should get to see you less because her parents couldn't make it work after your father and I put up with each other all these years."
 
I had a similar situation, but not in-laws, and not nearly as bad as yours, Bill.

My wife had an older friend (in her 90s) who had "no family" and few friends. She knew her before we were married and always kept in touch with her, even though we've moved all over.

She would call and talk for hours and it was very hard for my wife to just hang-up. I wasn't as emotionally attached and so I would do the gentle "closing of the discussion" (always friendly, mind you). This went on for a few years. She was somewhat fragile and mentally unstable. We once lost track of her and actually drove to her state looking for her. She had fled the nursing home and with no family to report to, was just winging it on her own. It seemed like nobody else in the world cared for this woman except my wife. I take back what I said about "no family"...she did have family...just no family that cared. My wife was a willing listener, and so she got more than an earful. The visits we paid were boring...awkward...seemed like a waste of time to me. I do understand (somewhat) the frustration and grief.

Like I said, it pales in comparison to your experience....but I can offer you this:

On a visit a few years back....I had the very distinct (clear as a bell) impression that this would be our last visit together. My attitude toward this woman changed 180 degrees. I clung to every story, every word. I pestered her with questions regarding her past and insisted on staying "just a little longer" (yes, my wife was rather bemused). She asked us to take some of her personal things...and I accepted.

Afterwards, I told my wife about my "impression". Shortly thereafter (before we could visit again) the old woman did indeed pass away.

This has happened not once, or twice, but many times to me. No, I don't have the cloak of death about me....:eek:.....I'm talking about having a complete reversal of attitude toward a person.

Everybody has a story...a history worth remembering...



(hope this doesn't come across as chiding.....not my intention. You two be safe on the roads)
 
Never having been married, I am lucky to have no in-laws.

I love all of my family.

I'm not that fond of most of my relatives.

Family is always welcome. Relatives are tolerated as long as possible.

Some family are more distantly related (if at all) to me by blood. Some relatives are too damn close in that regard.

Family is awesome. Relatives are like food sitting in the hot sun. It's okay when it's fresh, but that part doesn't last very long.
 
And yet again I am the luckiest bastard in the world.:thumbup: :D
My inlaws are just like my family and are treated as such. Some days I'm the bug and other days the windshield, it all works out in the end.
The only inlaw that could possibly be trouble is Barb's oldest sister. But I think she knows intrinsically just how far I can be pushed so she doesn't.
Being the oldest in their family she is constantly reminding everyone of the fact, everyone but me that is.;) I guess you could say we have an understanding.
The nice thing is Barb's family is just like my family and treated as such. Barbie feels the same way about my family and they are treated as such.
And the best thing about the whole deal is that we are all there for each other.
When it comes down to the wire I'd rather live with Barbie's kids than I had my own and probably will.
Like I said, "And yet again I am the luckiest bastard in the world.":thumbup: :D

I do recognize that I wasn't always though and I'm not sure what I did too get the karma to change but I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing.:thumbup: :cool: :D

Life is *Precious* here near the Oklahoma/Arkansas border!!!!:thumbup: :D
 
Darn, Dan, that was a good post. If Rusty were here, it might force him to say....you're a human being!



munk
 
There was a time , not so long ago, when "MEN" did not speak of these things.

I feel priviliged to be here when they do!

Am sure these feelings are universal.

Score... Average of 15 posts = Great human beings - as Munk said.

All this for the love of a bent knife?

Merry Christmas my friends.(snoopy)
Click to expand...
 
Good People are here.
Reading these posts, I'm very appreciative, & the only thing I can think to say is what Tiny Tim said from the heart at the end of "A Christmas Carol:"
"God bless us everyone !"

Love to All.
 
Daniel Koster said:
I had a similar situation, but not in-laws, and not nearly as bad as yours, Bill.

My wife had an older friend (in her 90s) who had "no family" and few friends. She knew her before we were married and always kept in touch with her, even though we've moved all over.

She would call and talk for hours and it was very hard for my wife to just hang-up. I wasn't as emotionally attached and so I would do the gentle "closing of the discussion" (always friendly, mind you). This went on for a few years. She was somewhat fragile and mentally unstable. We once lost track of her and actually drove to her state looking for her. She had fled the nursing home and with no family to report to, was just winging it on her own. It seemed like nobody else in the world cared for this woman except my wife. I take back what I said about "no family"...she did have family...just no family that cared. My wife was a willing listener, and so she got more than an earful. The visits we paid were boring...awkward...seemed like a waste of time to me. I do understand (somewhat) the frustration and grief.

Like I said, it pales in comparison to your experience....but I can offer you this:

On a visit a few years back....I had the very distinct (clear as a bell) impression that this would be our last visit together. My attitude toward this woman changed 180 degrees. I clung to every story, every word. I pestered her with questions regarding her past and insisted on staying "just a little longer" (yes, my wife was rather bemused). She asked us to take some of her personal things...and I accepted.

Afterwards, I told my wife about my "impression". Shortly thereafter (before we could visit again) the old woman did indeed pass away.

This has happened not once, or twice, but many times to me. No, I don't have the cloak of death about me....:eek:.....I'm talking about having a complete reversal of attitude toward a person.

Everybody has a story...a history worth remembering...



(hope this doesn't come across as chiding.....not my intention. You two be safe on the roads)
Click to expand...


Thank you one and all!

Somehow your prayers and smoke changed me.... changed them... or opened my eyes to a greater beauty than I have seen before.

And yes, Dan a greater fragility. 2005 was not kind to Anne's family. I feel bad about thinking hard thoughts.

There was a quietness not experienced before and in that quiet space a better sort of bonding with them and us. Mama will be 90 soon and I wonder how much longer she has. She is nearing perfection and we all suspect will go home soon.

She has made her peace with God. She is ready. I am trying to tell myself that is good and the best thing for her.....
 
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