- Joined
- Mar 5, 1999
- Messages
- 34,096
I am either stupid or one of the most hardheaded SOBs in the world because I'm getting up for round 101 after being knocked down 100 times.
The last knockdown was nearly a knockout -- call from Pala. I won't get into the details but it was such bad news hearing about life in the trenches right now that it put me into a state of depression.
With all the problems we've encountered over the past few months there are times when I really want to hang it all up. I think about going to a little place I used to go in Baja California -- spot on the beach, little cabana, swim, fish, watch the sunset -- no phone, electric generator. Fish and maybe a lobster if you can grab one, rice and refied beans. Good beer and tequila. Be lazy. Maybe get a dirt bike to ride around. Snorkel. BS with the locals. I've got more than enough pension to cover this and still have plenty left over. It's a Lorelei with a very powerful call and I keep asking myself, "why in the hell don't you do it?"
Here's why.
Because I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. Reason, because I'd know I had betrayed myself, betrayed the rules of conduct that I set up for myself years ago. Never quit. Never give up. If you get knocked down get up again. ad infinitum. And, I'd go to bed every night thinking of the kamis and sarkis. Do they have a job? enough to eat? Are they cold? And Bura and Kesar and his 20 dependents would come to haunt me in my dreams. I am still haunted by the children who worked at the brick factory so I know about hauntings.
And if Pala and I quit the Maoists win and we can't let that happen.
I am not perfect. I falter and get weak but it ain't over 'till it's over. I'll probably die at this goddamned screen trying to peddle a couple of khukuris and old hardheaded Pala will probably die or get killed trying to figure out a way to keep BirGorkha running but that's our karma and dharma.
Om Mani Padme Om.
Stay tuned.
The last knockdown was nearly a knockout -- call from Pala. I won't get into the details but it was such bad news hearing about life in the trenches right now that it put me into a state of depression.
With all the problems we've encountered over the past few months there are times when I really want to hang it all up. I think about going to a little place I used to go in Baja California -- spot on the beach, little cabana, swim, fish, watch the sunset -- no phone, electric generator. Fish and maybe a lobster if you can grab one, rice and refied beans. Good beer and tequila. Be lazy. Maybe get a dirt bike to ride around. Snorkel. BS with the locals. I've got more than enough pension to cover this and still have plenty left over. It's a Lorelei with a very powerful call and I keep asking myself, "why in the hell don't you do it?"
Here's why.
Because I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. Reason, because I'd know I had betrayed myself, betrayed the rules of conduct that I set up for myself years ago. Never quit. Never give up. If you get knocked down get up again. ad infinitum. And, I'd go to bed every night thinking of the kamis and sarkis. Do they have a job? enough to eat? Are they cold? And Bura and Kesar and his 20 dependents would come to haunt me in my dreams. I am still haunted by the children who worked at the brick factory so I know about hauntings.
And if Pala and I quit the Maoists win and we can't let that happen.
I am not perfect. I falter and get weak but it ain't over 'till it's over. I'll probably die at this goddamned screen trying to peddle a couple of khukuris and old hardheaded Pala will probably die or get killed trying to figure out a way to keep BirGorkha running but that's our karma and dharma.
Om Mani Padme Om.
Stay tuned.
