My biggest sale thread EVER...FIVE knives! (aka 1/68th of Scrim's hoard)

What's up forumites, I've got five knives up for....wait, hang on...is that right? FIVE knives? *checks script* Holy crap, this post is gonna be stupid long. Well, better introduce a new feature: THE TL;DR SUMMARY! Perfect for seeing if I'm selling anything you're interested in before deciding if you'd like to read my moderately humorous drivel about it! Today's sale roster includes:

• Benchmade 555HG Mini Griptilian SOLDSOLDSOLD!
• Kershaw 1660BB Leek SOLDSOLDSOLD!
• Kershaw 7200 Launch 2 SOLDSOLDSOLD!
• Kizer Ki4430A3 SOLDSOLDSOLD!
• ZT 0801 SOLDSOLDSOLD!

As always, my prices include priority shipping for FREE, as well as all PayPal fees (pay as goods with no markup). If you buy from me you are agreeing that you are over 18, that this is legal where you live, and that like me, you also want to taze parents who push around their 8-year olds in a stroller. It's like, hey, jackass: at this point you're less parent and more backwards rickshaw driver. Finally, I can sell to whoever I want, in accordance with the Smoot-Hawley Tarriff Act of 1930. BUELLER. BUELLER.

Additional pics can be found at this virtual location on a server somewhere in Virginia or wherever: http://s1098.photobucket.com/user/craigswoosh/library/BF 073015

Now on with the show!



BENCHMADE 555HG MINI GRIPTILIAN (Light user, 154CM blade, black plastic or whatever scales): You know, it's the differences that make things great. Not every SUV needs to be a giant-wheeled mud-bogger, not every athlete needs to be a hall-of-famer, and not every X-Box player's mother needs to be a raging whore, despite what I've been repeatedly told. (You presume to know a little TOO much about Mom's social life, XxXSnipahKillah69XxX.)

And not every knife needs to be a stabby stabby shankeriffic needle-tipped matter perforator! Plenty of great knives are built with this in mind, like Spyderco's Rescue series, and anything Les George makes. Ooooh, burn on a respected and well-liked knife maker! Anyway, so it is as well with this MiniGrip: the previous owner carefully and expertly ground down the blade tip, so it's more of a sheepsfoot shape. This makes it perfect for EDC duty and anything where the normal, irrational, knife-fearing public might see it.

This little fella has been lightly used and well cared for, so it's sharp, centered, scratch and blemish free, and free-flipping when the Axis lock is disengaged. And if you ACT NOW, I'll even throw in a polished deep-carry clip that's way better than the stock one! I mean, it comes with it, so you'll get it even if you act later...but I kinda wanted to say that just once.

$60SOLDSOLDSOLD! does the job for this one fellas, so embrace your inner pacifist and pick up a stab-free piece today!



KERSHAW 1660BB LEEK (Light user, Sandvik 14C28N blade, blue/black stuff scales):

I'm not gonna sit here and talk about the Leek. That's like telling someone about The Beatles; you've heard of them, even if you don't have any of their albums, and you should know enough to decide whether you're a fan. Also, something something Ringo whatever.

No, instead I'll just reiterate how insanely sharp and thin this little bastard is, and provide a short list of things you can do with a Leek that you would be hard-pressed to do with other blades:

• Effortless cheese slicing
• Delicate balsa wood carving
• Cutting through metaphorical tension in air
• Trimming loose silk threads
• Cleaving atomic nuclei in twain, dying from the resultant fission explosion
• Stabbing people who use words like "cleaving" and "twain"
• Intricate freehand papercraft lace work
• That cool thing where ninjas slash something and it falls apart ten minutes later
• Emergency tracheotomies (with or without patient consent)
• Careful bonsai tree maintenance
• Splitting babies to settle mythical maternity disputes
• Rending the fabric of space-time to shape reality as you see fit

Quite the resume, no? And on top of all that, this model has a neat blue/black smoke effect on the scales that is soooooo much cooler than just a boring black handle. NOT that there's anything wrong with black handles, they uh...they're simply not for everyone. NOT that those people shouldn't like black handles! Black handles are great, very interesting and hard-working...I mean, some of my best knives have black handles, heheh! ...and I didn't mean "those people."

*tugs on collar*

One small caveat: the very tippity tip of this has been broken off, despite not using the knife for anything at all, really. I tried my best to rework things a bit to compensate, but the pic will show you. In all honesty, the tip may just have poked itself into a parallel dimension for all I know...and given how sharp and thin this thing is, that's as reasonable an explanation as any.

Otherwise, however, the Leek is in as-new condition, so just pony up $35SOLDSOLDSOLD! and get this one sent your way. When someone close to you desperately needs to shave their pet tarantula's legs, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID.



KERSHAW 7200 LAUNCH 2 (LNIB, CPM154 blade, black aluminum handles): NOW NOW NOW, our society demands immediate gratification! No waiting, no patience, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DAT!

And so here you are, with your thumb stud knife that takes like, A HALF A SECOND to deploy. What are you, immortal? That's like slow motion, man. Or maybe you have a flipper...that's fast, right? Sure...IF YOU'RE A SNAIL! In the quarter of a second you take to get that blade out, a 9mm bullet can travel 280 feet. Should you be less than a football field away from an attacker, you'll have literally NO CHANCE to whip out your knife in order to split that bullet in half ninja-style!

So stop gambling with your life. It's time for an AUTOMATIC KNIFE! The absolute fastest deployment method AVAILABLE TO MANKIND! And let me tell you, this Launch is everything its name suggests, because the blade flies out so hard it'll give your wrist WHIPLASH! It's so powerful and fast that I don't feel comfortable using it at work...and I'm a serial killer!

Alright alright, taking it down a notch: I haven't committed any felonies I'm aware of thus far. But YOU can, when you STEAL this piece from me! Flawless except for a little teeny bit of snail trailage on the clip, used just a tiny bit to slice paper and sharp as hell, this crazy knife won't even be shipped...I'll just aim it at your house, hold it loosely and push the button to send it death-frisbeeing on its way. You'll know it's arrived when you hear the cops coming because the mailman is lying dead on your lawn.

$75SOLDSOLDSOLD! is a small price to pay to ensure that your response time can only be measured in milliseconds...so if you have that (and a bitter grudge against your local postal carrier), let's do business!



KIZER Ki4430A3 (Light user, S35VN blade, blue/black G-10 scales): Most of us have a bunch of knives because we choose ones for different scenarios or functions or sizes or colors or shapes or steels or whatever. We pick a knife each day that suits our needs and wants, and desire a selection that lets us meet those as closely as possible.

And some days you just wanna carry around a gawddamn folding butcher's knife.

That's where the eloquently-named Ki4430A3 comes in. While I may be exaggerating a bit with the whole butcher knife comparison, it's undoubtedly a chopper (CHOPPAAAHHH!), with its recessed handle (respective to the blade edge) and wharncliffe-ish, reverse tanto-ish hunk of S35VN steel. Ish.

The blue/black G-10 is nicely grippy, and the flipping action is very nice for a washer-based pivot. It takes a deliberate light switch motion but locks up with an authoritative SKLUNK that's pretty damned addictive. Had a roommate once that was addicted to SKLUNK...poor guy could only get a prescription for slip joints, so he went insane. KNIFE HUMOR!

Alright I don't have much more funny to say so let's wrap it up. No blemishes I can see (thanks stonewashed blade), well cared for and honed after use, sharp enough to have cut me TWICE and built to do even the heaviest work, this powerhouse is yours for only $110SOLDSOLDSOLD!. If your local butcher needs a hand behind the counter one day, this is your ticket to the big game, meat lover!



ZT 0801 (Light user, ELMAX blade, titanium scales): So sayeth the slogan for ZT: "Built like a tank." And usually true...though the treads tend to add unnecessary weight to the knives in my opinion. However, in this case it's a wild understatement, because tanks WISH they were built like this knife.

The 0801 is a steel sandwich, which proper culinary decorum dictates could only be fittingly served with a side of I-beam french fries. The "bread" is two fat slabs of titanium, man's answer to the question of "what combination of atoms best approximates the very concept of James Bond in chemical form?" They're grooved to not only provide some visual interest, but also much-needed grip when striking the death blow against a malevolent alien while covered in mud to cloud its thermal vision.

The blade is stonewashed ELMAX...a steel so awesome, its name is Spanish for "The Max," even though it's made by Germans. It's so awesome that it demands to be typed in ALL CAPS, and if you don't, spell check signals a team of pro wrestlers to come to your house and drop kick your testicles until you could serve them as a fine patê. It's so awesome that the molecular breakdown is 18% chromium, 3% vanadium, 79% Mjolnir, 67% Excalibur and 183% testosterone. And you're damn right that adds up to 350%, because ELMAX, BITCH.

This monster flips hard and locks up so tight that jail wardens are frequently seen frantically taking notes around it. And using it feels great...but that's probably has more to do with the fact that you don't hold the 0801 so much as it wears your hand like a meat jacket. Don't believe me? Hang onto it for a while, and when you put it down, look between your fingers until you find the tiny coat check ticket.

It's in excellent condition with no blemishes or scratches, although there's a catch: I bought this without a clip. I've installed a tiny extra Cryo clip I had handy, but it only makes the knife look more ridiculously powerful. It's like strapping a boy's tie onto an offensive lineman: technically adequate, but worth more for comedy than function. Still, ZT will send you a proper one for free, so no biggie. Or 2 Pac.

Buy a sharp, stabtacular sandwich of metal manhood for a measly $125SOLDSOLDSOLD! and get ready for your voice to drop a couple octaves. Finally, your Crash Test Dummies cover band will sound at least moderately convincing!

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Offers will be considered, but given my prices and what's included, they'd better be amazing for me to be interested. Trades are more likely possibilities, so I'll entertain those, but the first person to claim these with those three magic words AND follow up with a PM or email (craigforhire AT gmail DOT uuuuuugh) takes precedent. Good luck!

 

My favorite part of huck's post is that the cheese slicing is what sealed the deal. "Reality warping? I mean, that's cool and all, but what I REALLY need is something for separating hardened milk products." First three knives all SPF!

 

You are to knives what Smaug and Scrooge McDuck are to gold coins. Anyway, Leek sold to someone who presumably has a collection that can be counted with three or fewer digits.

 

Accepting seconds on the Launch (giving the buyer until tonight to send payment as he's in a bad cell zone), but otherwise all knives are sold.

 

Hey thanks guys! Happy to do it...no reason why a sale thread can't be fun, right? Appreciate the kind words.

All knives are now SOLD, so thanks buyers and lookers! Four of you will receive tracking numbers tomorrow, but Stuff, should just listen for the sirens. VIVA LA BF!