OT but hilarious!

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I found this somewhere on Blade Forum and began reading Darwin Awards

Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways.

Jet Assisted Take-Off 1995 Darwin Awards Winner

The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.
The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-S**T."


I found this on the website: www.darwinawards.com by searching for "jato rocket".
 
Holy Toledo!

Well, I'll bet he set the land speed record for a 1967 Chevy Impala anyway.

Must have been a hell of a ride while it lasted.
 
I first heard this one when I was listening to G.Gordon Liddy. He was laughing so hard when he read it, and I started laughing too, while driving down the road I almost had to pull over:D:D

He told another one about a guy and his friends who were having a bar-b-que and drinking alot when they spotted a raccoon. Long story short--raccoon crawls into a drain pipe set into a down slope in Redneck's backyard. He dumps gasoline (alot)into the pipe and tries unsuccessfully to blow said critter out. Doesn't work. So, he CRAWLS DOWN INTO THE PIPE and lights matches from his pack and throws them down into the pooled up gas. KABOOOM!!! Redneck goes flying OVER his house and lands in the road. Get this, he didn't die. When asked about it he said "that was great, I wish I could do it again". That's the story as G.Gordon read it from some newspaper somewhere.:D
 
"Apocryphal Bible. Of or having to do with the Apocrypha."

Still an amusing story and the website has dozens more. Take with a grain of salt in your margarita!
 
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.

apocryphal

ADJECTIVE: 1. Of questionable authorship or authenticity. 2. Erroneous; fictitious: “Wildly apocryphal rumors about starvation in Petrograd . . . raced through Russia's trenches” (W. Bruce Lincoln). 3. Apocryphal Bible Of or having to do with the Apocrypha.
 
I am still partial to the crazy glue guy.

This was the "brilliant" individual who was absolutely amazed with crazy glue and couldn't wait to demonstrate to everyone how outstanding the product was. Since he worked in a zoo he decided that he could best demonstrate the adhesive propoerties by liberally applying a coat to his hand and then affixing his hand to the rear of a 2 ton rhino.

The rhino was understandibly surprised and proceeded to drag him all over the enclosure until the authorities finally managed to tranquilize it. Unfortunately for our candidate they were still working on freeing his hand when the now drug animal felt the need to defacate. The authoritizes were forced to stop work on the hand in order to excavate down to his head which was well under a large pile of fresh rhino stuff.

He survived the incident and failed to earn a much diserved Darwin Award.

n2s
 
2,
IT'S 3:50AM,gettig ready to set up work for the day,read your post ,laughed so hard,started crying,I've met people like this,brought back old times! Example(true,so help me).App.electrician,was working to cut branch away,"sitting" on the limb he was cutting,cutting it so he would fall with it!!Or App. on a digger, being instructed to take it easy,going thru dense brush,foreman was standing on rear,App. floored it,Foreman was hanging with a branch under his neck(I was draped over the foremans back,holding him down as he tried to get his hands on the APP.)!Or how about APP. with hooks,(bragged about how he could climb)stuck up a pole(foreman wanted to leave him)I wound up getting him down,laughing so hard I almost fell!!Some more ,but I better stop!!:D
jim
 
Did you read the one in Darwin Awards about the farmer who was trying to shake a stone out of a hole in the toe of his boot?

He was leaning against his electric meter on the outside of his house and shaking his foot hard to dislodge the stone back out the hole in his boot when his wife noticed him apparently being electrocuted and broke his arm with a lump of wood to knock him loose from the meter!

I don't care if all these stories are true or not, they are still funny and we sure need a good laugh these days!
 
Bill it was me who posted the Darwin Awards on the Knifeforums.
I'm glad everyone enjoyed it
Sam;)
 
Just made my day. :)

Thanks to all.

Dan
 
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