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Problems With Fellow Members
- Thread starter Vivi
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2002
- Messages
- 1,106
wait, you hit a girl with a skateboard? who was splashing water on you? most people would consider that flirting. no respect for you. that really angers me.
- Joined
- May 18, 2005
- Messages
- 22,990
And he was bragging about it. :jerkit:
thats about the only thing i would be interested in hearing about from vivi.
his "tests" mean less than nothing to me lol.
Ebbtide
Gold Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 1999
- Messages
- 7,889
When you use the word "we" I believe you are referring to yourself and the mouse in your pocket.
I'm not miscommunicating anything.
It is your inability to comprehend what I'm saying to you.
Whether this is by choice or lack of comprehension skills, I don't know.
As far as agreeing to disagree....read the above.
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2006
- Messages
- 2,901
Gosh, there goes 27 minutes of my life that I can never get back.
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2006
- Messages
- 60
This thread is an excellent example of how not to handle conflict in online communities. Clearly, some of those involved have 'histories' here with each other, resulting in personal animosity. I have no specific knowledge of those prior interactions, and if possible, even less interest in researching them. And so, from my perspective -- and I imagine many others -- this thread is nothing but ugly.
Every community, online or not, has those people upon whom the majority agree are annoying. However, this "majority" is often just a few highly regarded and vocal members. The manner in which these members voice their grievances sets the tone for the entire forum.
This thread turned into a mob, and some who commented should be ashamed. Because some here clearly haven't learned this fundamental Law of public forums, it's worth stating explicitly: if another user's comments and threads are consistently agitating you, IGNORE THEM. DON'T RESPOND. When the community at large follows this practice, users who don't "mesh" leave very quickly, because nobody responds to their posts and it's boring to 'talk' to yourself.
If a user becomes truly disruptive, good forums have moderators who step in quickly and quietly to diffuse the situation in private, because forum disputes are never quite what they seem. The written word simply lacks the requisite nuance to make snap assumptions about someone's intent or character.
wolfmann601 appropriately nailed it in just the 4th comment:
But instead, when a moderator did step in, it was to exacerbate the problem, by stating:
Comments like that serve no other purpose than to provoke more ugliness, from that inevitable sub-group of every online community who thrive on public approval from the moderators.
But, IMO invoking another member's openly posted use of the prescription drug Depakote and treatment in a "Psych Ward," and then equating that with being "crazy" is disgusting and cruel. It is a low point in a normally high quality forum: and it was also dishonest. Those details were offered in a discussion about seizure disorders, not mental illness, and a discussion in which the user who copied and pasted them over here participated.
If you truly believe a person is mentally ill, do you really find it appropriate to publicly ridicule them for it when they display that behavior? Or were you just hoping to humiliate someone who annoys you, by using their history of seizure disorders to imply they're mentally ill?
The needless continuation and degeneration of this thread is an embarrassment to BladeForums and one that could easily have been avoided.
Every community, online or not, has those people upon whom the majority agree are annoying. However, this "majority" is often just a few highly regarded and vocal members. The manner in which these members voice their grievances sets the tone for the entire forum.
This thread turned into a mob, and some who commented should be ashamed. Because some here clearly haven't learned this fundamental Law of public forums, it's worth stating explicitly: if another user's comments and threads are consistently agitating you, IGNORE THEM. DON'T RESPOND. When the community at large follows this practice, users who don't "mesh" leave very quickly, because nobody responds to their posts and it's boring to 'talk' to yourself.
If a user becomes truly disruptive, good forums have moderators who step in quickly and quietly to diffuse the situation in private, because forum disputes are never quite what they seem. The written word simply lacks the requisite nuance to make snap assumptions about someone's intent or character.
wolfmann601 appropriately nailed it in just the 4th comment:
But instead, when a moderator did step in, it was to exacerbate the problem, by stating:
Comments like that serve no other purpose than to provoke more ugliness, from that inevitable sub-group of every online community who thrive on public approval from the moderators.
But, IMO invoking another member's openly posted use of the prescription drug Depakote and treatment in a "Psych Ward," and then equating that with being "crazy" is disgusting and cruel. It is a low point in a normally high quality forum: and it was also dishonest. Those details were offered in a discussion about seizure disorders, not mental illness, and a discussion in which the user who copied and pasted them over here participated.
If you truly believe a person is mentally ill, do you really find it appropriate to publicly ridicule them for it when they display that behavior? Or were you just hoping to humiliate someone who annoys you, by using their history of seizure disorders to imply they're mentally ill?
The needless continuation and degeneration of this thread is an embarrassment to BladeForums and one that could easily have been avoided.
- Joined
- May 18, 2005
- Messages
- 22,990
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2006
- Messages
- 60
That's exactly my point. The conflict on this thread is personal, so take it to PM's and email instead of making the whole community look bad.
Yes, the thread started by calling out some users, but it was the replies that stood out and came across as mean-spirited and petty. I can say that because I don't know the history, having instead the broader perspective of JoeAveragePoster watching a flame war. BTW, if you're right about this particular user, you took the bait and lost.
I never said they were. I was writing about the abstract case, which is why the sentence began with "if." Actually, that shift happened in the preceding paragraph when I started discussing "public forums." And if you add the context for the line of mine you quoted, it becomes clear I was suggesting that problems between users are best handled in private, and by moderators because:
Context. My previous comments were all about context, and the lack of it.
Um...in the comment I referenced? The one that cribbed from a discussion about seizure disorders, and took the extra time to highlight "when I was in the Psych Ward the second time" in bold red letters. And then used the word "crazy" in reference to the author. I guess that's where I got the idea.
FYI -- I'm in no way "justifying" anyone's actions, especially users I know nothing about. I'm trying to give those on this thread an outsider's perspective, and suggest a better approach for the future. I've been around online communities for many years.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2000
- Messages
- 10,027
Iceax, thanks for your unsolicited opinion.
I'm sure your vast experience with online communities far exceeds any of us who have been posting in this thread.
In the future, I suggest you use that experience to research the topic at hand before making comments about something or someone you know nothing about.
In the meantime, butt out.
I'm sure your vast experience with online communities far exceeds any of us who have been posting in this thread.
In the future, I suggest you use that experience to research the topic at hand before making comments about something or someone you know nothing about.
In the meantime, butt out.
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2006
- Messages
- 60
You're welcome. I quickly ascertained the conundrum in having an open thread solely for solicited opinions, and decided to take the initiative.
The topic I brought up was about effectively responding -- or not responding -- to disruptive users. I only mentioned my experience with these situations, because after reading the thread and responses, it seemed relevant. You might also consider that reading it is really all the research required to discuss how a thread looks to those not interested in researching every interpersonal dynamic on BF, i.e. just about everyone.
By all means. I momentarily forgot my place and, by suggesting that moderators are fallible, broke the 2nd Law of online communities. Please accept my apology with all due sincerity.
FYI, Rat Finkenstein: excellent link. Your comment was so elegantly succinct (not to mention funny) I missed it at first. Point taken and thanks for the reminder.
I was admittedly distracted, however, inexplicably forced to explain why noting that someone had been prescribed Depakote and that they'd been in a "psych ward" (in bold red letters), surmising they'd broken a couple of knives while in a "crazy" situation, and putting it in a post linked to a discussion about seizure disorders could possibly be interpreted as suggesting that person had taken "Depakote," been in a "psych ward," was "crazy," and suffered from a seizure disorder.
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2004
- Messages
- 313
But Iceaxe's snide response sounds a lot like ER Dept (just banned recently) when he was chided for negative remarks in a sales thread. Just a thought.
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2000
- Messages
- 45,835
iceaxe, while I recognize your "initiative" of spouting off an awful lot of verbiage, much of it aimed at me, I suggest the following aphorism for contemplation:
No doubt, you'll have lots to say about my post. You seem to like to watch yourself type, and you have an answer for everything--perhaps because everyone didn't fall right into line and kowtow at your feet for such a "reasonable" first post here. Whatever the case, I would ask the following of you:
Before providing advice about how longstanding members of this forum should behave toward other members, Vivi in particular, I suggest that you go back and read Vivi's nearly 2000 posts before you preach to the BF membership.
Regarding the above aphorism, I had something to say about Vivi based on experience with his posts here at Bladeforums. If it seemed cruel to you, well then tough. Put simply, Vivi's posts are often troubling and/or ridiculous and not altogether sane at times. Do I hope he gets help for his problems? Yes. Do I want Bladeforums to be the site for his "therapy"? No. Vivi has shown a great deal of disrespect to other members of this forum by destroying knives (at least one received as a gift) and then flaunting the destruction in the face of the members here. So, if I come across as a little flippant, sue me.
But first, get the whole story before you do.
No doubt, you'll have lots to say about my post. You seem to like to watch yourself type, and you have an answer for everything--perhaps because everyone didn't fall right into line and kowtow at your feet for such a "reasonable" first post here. Whatever the case, I would ask the following of you:
Before providing advice about how longstanding members of this forum should behave toward other members, Vivi in particular, I suggest that you go back and read Vivi's nearly 2000 posts before you preach to the BF membership.
Regarding the above aphorism, I had something to say about Vivi based on experience with his posts here at Bladeforums. If it seemed cruel to you, well then tough. Put simply, Vivi's posts are often troubling and/or ridiculous and not altogether sane at times. Do I hope he gets help for his problems? Yes. Do I want Bladeforums to be the site for his "therapy"? No. Vivi has shown a great deal of disrespect to other members of this forum by destroying knives (at least one received as a gift) and then flaunting the destruction in the face of the members here. So, if I come across as a little flippant, sue me.
But first, get the whole story before you do.