The longest day I've had so far...

Don Rac

Don Rac

Joined
Oct 3, 2001
Messages
1,191
It's 1:11 AM Pacific time, and I just got home from my friends house. A while back I posted an advice asking post that regarded someone and my dying uncle. When the docs said he would only live a year, he lived and went about for 3 more, when they said he had a week, he went for 4. Well yesterday at 9:45 he passed away, and since then it's been a very sad/awkward set of events. That day started out like all my others. A few friends of mine and the younger bro of my friend went to the gym about 8:30 at the Navy base. We planned to work out quick so the younger one could get back. Right at the beggining of our workout the youger guy gets a phone call from his bro, and when he comes back he says we gotta go to the hospice my uncle was at, because he seemed like his time was running short. We got there at 9:35, and we waited in the lobby until we got the ok to come in. My friend comes out crying saying we can go in and see him now because prayers finished and it seemed like he passed. But as we walked in, we find out that he was breathing and barely hanging on. We all said our final goodbyes, and 10 minutes later he was gone. Everyone was in tears and crying, except for me. Although I was very sad, I was happy in a way that he wouldn't have to be hooked up on morphine 24/7, confined to a bed in a room about the size of a small living room and that he wouldn't be in pain. But at the same time, it made me feel different, and made me realize something about myself. People close to me passing away has happened to me alot as a young guy, and I hate to think that I would be getting used to it. But I think it doesn't sting in the same way it used to for me because they were good people in life, and whether or not you're Bhuddist or Christian, both beliefs seem to hold that good people have good new begginings. Life goes on, and wherever my uncle may be right now, I'm sure he's well, and hopes that we're all OK also. Everyone that replied to my earlier rant/post asking what to do, thank you all, it's helped me do the right thing. I can forgive, but it will surely never be the same, and he will certainly be an aquaintance instead of a friend. It's been a wild 4 weeks, and it's over now. But if he could still talk to us, he's the type of guy that would say never to worry about it, because he can handle it.
 
Dear Don

I recently lost my grandfather and we were extremely close. He was on a downward spiral for about 1 year. He was a strong man and seeing him shrink was a very tough experience. He passed away in the early hours of the morning next to my grandmother. They basically raised me as my parents were'nt around so it was like losing my father.

I too was "relieved" that he finally went as I knew his suffering was over. It's not easy losing a loved one but we all have our time and one day we'll all meet up again. Hopefully you're uncle and my grandfather are somewhere happy and looking down on us thinking "chin up boys"

Regards
Brendan
 
We are called upon to forgive, but we are not asked to forget.

I think that to forgive requires an effort. Too often we think that forgiving is to be able to somehow justify another persons bad act, but this is not forgiving.

You can try to separate the behavior from the person, but that is easier said than done.

Forgiving is hard, but better than carrying the burden of the other person yourself. Sounds like you have passed that mark.

Your uncle has gone on to a better place. Stay with that and you will see him again. Guaranteed!

Kindest regards and thanks for sharing,

Bill Marsh
 
It's been 4 years since I spoke to anybody about a dear friend of mine who passed away. I related his poignant story last Sunday and it was very difficult for me to finish. It was very painful and I'm glad I finally got it off my chest.

I echo Bill on this one - don't forget. Sure, put it out of your mind and try to not "dwell" on it, but don't forget it and don't stop thinking or talking about him. It will become more and more painful to deal with as life goes on if it stays bottled up inside.
 
Don,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm the opposite in that I've only had 2 or 3 people that I cared for pass away, and these were all when I was too young to really understand it or to be affected by it too much. I don't have any advice but I hope you feel better soon, and remember the good times you had with your uncle.

Take Care,

Rob
 
When I die I expect to shake the hand again of the best friend I ever had, who left too soon at 62.

(my arrival to 'wherever' will be equally divided between handshakes and being punched in the nose.)

munk
 
Condolences. It ain't easy but hang in and remember we cry for ourselves, not the departed.
 
Sounds like Valhalla to me, Munk! Heehee!

Don Rac: Memory is gift that keeps on giving. He's still there, you just can't see him right now, The Flesh has that curse. He was lucky to have you.
-------
A Quote from the Havamal verse 75&76:

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But I know one thing that never dies,
The glory of the great dead
----------------

You and all that survive and know are the carriers of his glories, may the never fade.

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
 
Originally posted by Bill Martino
we cry for ourselves, not the departed.
Click to expand...
I too have lost many close friends and as a Doctor I have been with many at the time they departed.
To embrace the beauty and the wonder of life is the most blessed experience I can imagine at such a time for death is merely a transition between this world and the next.
Acceptance in dying, a precious moment that opens the gates to heaven.
Blessings.
 
I was at my father's bedside in the hospital when he passed on. All the circuit breakers in my mind had already flipped and I was simply glad it was over and I'd gone the last mile for him. No regrets since, either.
 
Thanks for the words all, plenty of good stuff to think about. Alot of what's said certainly made me feel better. From what I know of these things, it's also a time when friends are very important. Thanks again guys.
 
. Life goes on, and wherever my uncle may be right now, I'm sure he's well, and hopes that we're all OK also.
Click to expand...

This exactly what I thought when I lost my dad 18 years ago. You have been lucky to be able to say goodbye to him. I always think of my father as if he is watching over me from wherever he may be now.
Take care
Fausto
 
Originally posted by Ferrous Wheel
Sounds like Valhalla to me, Munk! Heehee!

Don Rac: Memory is gift that keeps on giving. He's still there, you just can't see him right now, The Flesh has that curse. He was lucky to have you.
-------
A Quote from the Havamal verse 75&76:

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But I know one thing that never dies,
The glory of the great dead
----------------

You and all that survive and know are the carriers of his glories, may the never fade.

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
Click to expand...

Condolances to Don Rac.

I just wanted to add something to Ferrous Wheel's post:
http://home.c2i.net/espenjo/home/ha.htm

Surprizing and impressive, your interest is, Ferrous Wheel.
 
Thanks, Eikervaering.

Contrary to what you've heard, the Land of the Free is not all Christian. Some of us remember the old ones, the old ways of our folk. The old ones never left us, we had just forgotten them. Well, some of us remember.

http://members.iquest.net/~chaviland/Rindex.html

Sunna shine sky-gold on you and yours,

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
 
Good stuff Ferrous Wheel. I am not member of any such group yet but I will be as soon as I find one that suits me (one that is serious).

Here is one more link that might be interesting for your kindred's website: http://www.angelfire.com/on/Wodensharrow/

And here is one more in Norway you seem to have missed in your list of links:
http://www.forn-sed.no/

How about this one (the server seems to be down now or possibly they are moving their website):
http://www.heathenfront.org/
I am just wondering if they are houseclean. Do you have any idea about it?

Greetings
 
Thanks. Yes, finding a good group of folk has taken us a decade or more, and we do not advertise to fill our membership, you must know one of us. Keeps the weird (wyrd?) ones out, gets the quality people in.

We're serious in our faining of the gods & goddesses, but we believe all should beware of gods who cannot laugh. We have fun, but we' are also devoted and serious in restoring honor to Asgard.

Good luck in your searches, you will find the right folk.

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
 
Originally posted by Ferrous Wheel
Thanks, Eikervaering.

Contrary to what you've heard, the Land of the Free is not all Christian. Some of us remember the old ones, the old ways of our folk. The old ones never left us, we had just forgotten them. Well, some of us remember.

Sunna shine sky-gold on you and yours,

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
Click to expand...

Here's another that goes with his Old Ones. Lots of similarities among all of the Old Folk. Interesting that there's a red Medicine Wheel in the center of the 3 Ravens.:)
An interesting thing about the American ndn's use of the Medicine Wheel is the difference in colors used by different nations.
Cherokee Colors are red to the East, blue to the North, black to the West and yellow to the South.
We dance to the right or planet-wise instead of to the left or sun-wise otherwise known as clockwise.
Lakota Colors are red to the East, yellow to the South, black to the West and white for the North.
The Comanche use green for one of their color's but I can't recall which direction, too many nations to remember them all.
 
Yeah, interesting stuff, Yvsa! There is a deep connection between all of the old ways I've studied.

The medecine wheel for us is a solar wheel representation. The Red is the color of life. The Sun is a goddess for us, called Sunna (Sunday is Sunna's-day). The wolf Skol chases her, and will eventually catch her at Ragnarok. This is similar to some asian beliefs were a dragon eats the sun (solar eclipse).

The ravens are representative of omens or signs from Odin (although I know for some native cultures ravens or crows are bad omens). Odin has 2 ravens, Huginn and Munin (Thought and Memory) that gather info for him here and report back to him.

Talk to ya later, Yvsa, Eikervaering,

Keith
En Ferro Veritas
 
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