Just found this thread. Came back and re-read it and the responses to date. Sounds like I'd go along with a lot of them, especially the ones who notice similarities in you to things they've been trying to improve in themselves.
Long time back in the pop-psychology self help section of the bookstores there was a transactional analysis ( Rational Emotive Therapy pureed to fit in baby food jars ) book by Wayne Dyer titled "I'm OK, You're OK".
A famous pioneer in thanatology ( death and dying ) named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross heard the title and rebutted Dyer's drivel with the statement: "I'm not OK, You're not OK, but that's OK!"
As a friend says, "I'm perfectly human, and thus humanly imperfect."
Sounds to me like you're now at the place you ought to be at this time or you wouldn't be there, if that makes sense to you. And the "there" looks to me to be here at BladeForums.