Smoke needed

Danny, I wept in prayer for you last night when I awoke from a terrible dream about your situation. Please be kind to yourself bro. You are a bigtime pillar of goodness in your daughters life even if you aren't allowed to be very active in her childhood.

Now, I thought of something. Money. Start sending money. If they start cashing checks then maybe you'll have a good argument for visitation.
 
they came and moved out all of her stuff today.
i wouldnt sign the divorce papers.
(they give custody of the child to the wife automatically)
things are not good.
 
Unfortunately I've been there ,done that.
It was emotionally and physically devastating. I don't need to rehash the particulars. No one that has been to that place would care to revisit it.
I have tried to imagine enduring such a thing in a place whose culture is unfamiliar and whose laws are unsympathetic....
Smoke Danny,I really don't know what else to say.
 
I'm glad you didn't sign the papers.

maybe someday, you can tell your child, "I never gave you up."

Tom
 
Yes Danny, listen to Tom.

Listen, you've done nothing wrong here, so your conscious is clean. Many dads who've no contact with their children have caused this through their own misdeeds. Be glad, at least, that you bear none of this guilt to add to the weight of this horrible circumstance.

Are they asking for child support?
 
Danny, good luck and god bless!! my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Heber
 
Sorry to hear this Danny...Smoke continues.
 
Same thing happened to my cousin. The mother denied all access to his son, remarried and changed his name. there was nothing he could do but send xmas cards and birthday cards. He couldn't stand being in the same country as his son but not see him so emigrated to NZ and started another life. When the son was in his teens he came to visit his dad and his brothers and sister. They have a good relationship now.

Your life may feel like its over but this can be played out over decades. Don't ever give up.
 
Danny...having done just a bit of reading on the rights of foreign fathers in Japan, it seems Moff8 might be right. You were planning on coming home anyway. It might be best to come home to your family and friends...where *you* can get the same kind of support as she is getting. If nothing else, get some support while you make strategic plans instead of staying in tactical mode.
 
DannyinJapan said:
I am in hell.
Click to expand...

You have been traumatized, as much or more so as someone who has had his arms and legs chopped off and is now bleeding out on the sidewalk.

Your ego, your very conception of self, has been savaged. What is you, and what is not? Conceptions of the universe have been shattered.

It's like a bad horror movie where the guy's own arm attacks him.

Your brain is not now functioning in the manner it has most of your life. You have extremely high levels of stress hormones circulating in your system. These (glucocorticoids) will supress hypocampal function and eventually kill cells. This inhibits learning, and even the ability to learn.

These hormones inhibit birth of new neurons (yes that does occur) and make a neuron less likely to survive an insult.

Meanwhile they will cause the amygdala to grow. Expansion and growth of dendrites in the amygdala increases anxiety both short and long term. Enhanced learning in the amygdala files away the memories of trauma permanently in a region far below thought.

I learned about this stuff much later, after I sought it out.

Subjectively, from my experience, you may lose the ability to think. Thoughts travel in endless circular loops. You can lose the ability to distinguish truth and falsehood. Timing and the ability to judge intervals may go. Left turns with an auto were very difficult for me for several years after going through a similar experience. Between looking right and looking left, I couldn't judge how much time had elapsed. So I would look right, left, right, left, right ..., and finally try to go. I totaled one car making a left turn.

I'm better now but there is no doubt that my brain was rewired by trauma. It has been re-rewired since.

You are about 3 weeks into this. You may be amazed at how your body seems to still function without food or sleep. It can't do that forever. I hit the wall at 6 weeks.

I highly recommend getting some medical advice prior to hitting the wall. A psychiatrist is probably the best to see. Not because you are crazy or because your reactions are abnormal, but because you are experiencing a normal psychological reaction to a severe trauma.

Peace be with you.
 
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