Clean jokes...

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The Virginian said:
Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf.

Moses tees up first, and plunks his ball into the water. Nonplussed, he walks over to the pond, parts the water with his club, and hits the ball onto the green.

Jesus tees up next, and also manages to hit his ball into the pond, where the ball curiously floats. So Jesus walks down to the pond, across the water, and hits his ball out onto the green.

Last to tee up is the old man, whose ball heads straight for the water, too. However, as the ball hits the surface of the water, a fish jumps up and swallows it. Amazingly, the fish is immediately snatched by an eagle, which flies away and deposits the fish on the green. The ball shoots out of the fish's mouth and rolls into the cup for a hole in one.

Jesus turns around to Moses and says, "Next time I'm leaving my Dad at home"


Not a fishing joke, but at least a fish joke.
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LOL! I like it. Hopefully I can remember it.
 
I wouldn't be comfortable telling this joke; it makes the miracles of the Lord seem like mere parlor tricks for entertainment, instead solemn gifts and signs for the salvation of souls. Also the last line of the joke implies a less than perfect unity between Jesus and His Father, but He said "I and the Father are one". In short, it knocks God down a couple of pegs, and implies He is less than what He said He is, which I would not want to do even as a joke.
 
David Mary said:
I wouldn't be comfortable telling this joke; it makes the miracles of the Lord seem like mere parlor tricks for entertainment, instead solemn gifts and signs for the salvation of souls. Also the last line of the joke implies a less than perfect unity between Jesus and His Father, but He said "I and the Father are one". In short, it knocks God down a couple of pegs, and implies He is less than what He said He is, which I would not want to do even as a joke.
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Then don’t tell it.

You do have a valid point of view though. Very respectful of our Creator.
 
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am a saint, the quite opposite is true, and I need His mercy more than most, I think. But I appreciate your response, as I feared it could go a completely different direction.
 
David Mary said:
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying I am a saint, the quite opposite is true, and I need His mercy more than most, I think. But I appreciate your response, as I feared it could go a completely different direction.
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Hey, we all fall short.

Now, back to the jokes.
 
Back to the jokes indeed.

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The atheist turns to the rabbi and priest and asks "Have you guys heard the joke about us?"
 
David Mary said:
I wouldn't be comfortable telling this joke; it makes the miracles of the Lord seem like mere parlor tricks for entertainment, instead solemn gifts and signs for the salvation of souls. Also the last line of the joke implies a less than perfect unity between Jesus and His Father, but He said "I and the Father are one". In short, it knocks God down a couple of pegs, and implies He is less than what He said He is, which I would not want to do even as a joke.
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You didn't tell it. I did. Don't like it? Then block my posts. My God gave me a sense of humor. And since He made me in His image, I'm pretty sure He has one, too. Sounds like YMMV. Meanwhile, I'll tell my pastor that you didn't like his joke.
 
Another golf joke.

Did you hear about the rabbi who sneaked out of town for a secret round of Golf on Saturday afternoon?

God was displeased. So he made sure the rabbi hit two holes in one.
 
Here's another one I heard from a pulpit many years ago . . .

A bishop, a pastor and a minister were waiting in line in front of heaven's pearly gates while St. Peter was reviewing each person's case.

The bishop made his way to the front, and St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, you cannot enter." The bishop asked why, and Peter told him it was because of his excessive love of money. The Bishop responded, "But I tithed every week and gave to the poor - I never became wealthy." Peter said, "That's true, but you never lost your love for money. You thought about money every day of your life. In fact, you loved money so much that you married a woman named Penny! I'm sorry, you cannot enter." Sadly, the bishop turned away.

Then it was the pastor's turn. Again, St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, you cannot enter." The pastor asked why, and Peter told him it was because of his excessive love of booze. The pastor responded, "But I was never a drunk, and I gave up booze completely and never touched a drop for the last two decades of my life." Peter said, "That's true, but you never lost your love for booze. You thought about booze every day of your life. In fact, you loved booze so much that you married a woman named Brandy! I'm sorry, you cannot enter." So the pastor turned away, too.

Well the minister heard all this, and after hearing it he turned to his wife and said, "I guess I might as well leave right now, Fanny."
 
A woman was telling her friend - It was I who made my husband a millionaire.

And what was he before you married him?

A multi-millionaire
 
Xmas joke my kid told me.... gonna try not to screw it up here...

So the 3 wise men see the big star, go shopping for some gifts and head out.

They get to the manger where the new baby Jesus has just been born.

All out of breath, the first wise man says "We brought gold!" Followed by the second wise man who says "And frankincense!"

Joseph looks at the stuff, looks up at them. "Awesome, thanks."

The third wise man says "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MYRHH!"
 
Just like the TV Infomercials! "But wait! There's more! Act now and we'll double your order!"
 
The Amazing Virginian said:
You didn't tell it. I did. Don't like it? Then block my posts. My God gave me a sense of humor. And since He made me in His image, I'm pretty sure He has one, too. Sounds like YMMV. Meanwhile, I'll tell my pastor that you didn't like his joke.
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All jokes have a "butt" or some one or thing which is made lesser. Think of the guy slipping on a banana peel. Your joke is special because there is no butt in the audience, the only one made lesser is God, but not really since God is made more human in your joke. Only lesser in the eyes of one who forgets Christ was human (he made water into wine and had doubts). Great joke!
 
A German Shepherd, golden retriever, and a Siamese cat all stood before Heavenly Father as he sat on his throne. Each one was expected to give a reckoning of their life here on earth and explain why they should be allowed into heaven.

The German Shepherd explained that he had been a police dog and gave his life to protect an officer.
Because the K9 gave his life serving others, he believed that brave service dogs should be allowed in heaven.

The Golden Retriever stated that he helped put food on his Master’s table as his hunting companion and watched over the whole family to make sure the family was safe.

Heavenly Father was in agreement that both dogs had earned places in heaven.

He then looked at the cat and waited for the feline to speak.

The cat just stared back and after a moment of silence replied, “You are in my chair.”
 
More like: The cat just stared back and after a moment of silence replied, "What was the question, again?"
 
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