Clean jokes...

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Couple of cannibals were eating a missionary, when they started violently throwing up... after wards one says to the other, I guess it's true... "It's hard to keep a good man down." :)
 
Two cannibals capture a missionary and decide to eat him for lunch. One starts at the head and the other starts at the feet. After a while the one who started at the head asks his buddy how he's enjoying his meal. "This is great! I'm having a ball!" "Then SLOW DOWN. You're eating too fast!"
 
If you've ever tied a deer, and a Christmas tree to the roof of your car at the same time, you might be a redneck...

If you've ever bought a bird feeder for the sole purpose of target practice, you might be a redneck...
 
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing...

MAR01474.jpg


He asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"








The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby."
 
knarfeng said:
True story for Monty Python fans. A group of people from my church (most of them Monty Python afficionados) were touring Jerusalem. Their guide pointed to one area outside the city gates and told them it was called "The valley of the Cheesemakers". He couldn't understand why 3/4 of the tour group doubled up in laughter.
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I ain't the sharpest knife.....Please 'splain this.


Thank you .

Uncle [octogeneran] Alan
 
Long presumed dead, researchers recently discovered the actor who played "Buckwheat" in the Little Rascals movies.

It seems he had moved to Afghanistan and adopted the Muslim faith. He is now known as "Kareem-O-Wheat".


best regards -

mqqn
 
uncle Alan said:
I ain't the sharpest knife.....Please 'splain this.


Thank you .

Uncle [octogeneran] Alan
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This is a scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian movie. On the outskirts of the crowd at the sermon on the mount, too far away to hear very well ... they didn't have microphones and amplifiers in those days ...
[video=youtube;-xLUEMj6cwA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xLUEMj6cwA[/video]
 
What do you call someone with no talent that likes to follow musicians around? A drummer.

How does a soprano change a light bulb? She simply holds it while the whole world revolves around her.

This actually happend: I called my dear old auntie one time, when she answered I said "Hi! It's me, your favorite nephew." Without skipping a beat she replied, "Why hello, Scotty, how've you been?" :( :D
 
james terrio said:
How does a soprano change a light bulb? She simply holds it while the whole world revolves around her.
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I might have married her... ;)


Our pastor asked us a serious question the other day: What do you call an animal that no matter how much time and attention, love and affection, care and training you put into it, still doesn't obey you?

A CAT!
 
WA Martin said:
I might have married her... ;)


Our pastor asked us a serious question the other day: What do you call an animal that no matter how much time and attention, love and affection, care and training you put into it, still doesn't obey you?

A CAT!
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U can that again, I have 3 that don't give a rip what I say other than U want something to eat?
 
Guys you know what they say... we own dogs, cats allow us to live with them.
 
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get to keep the toy."
 
I hope this hasn't already been mentioned- Three blondes walk into a bar...

the fourth one ducked
 
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