Clean jokes...
- Thread starter Gary W. Graley
- Start date
- Status
UffDa
Gold Member
- Joined
- Sep 11, 1999
- Messages
- 42,596
Two men were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day
without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, ” Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person
team.
But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day
without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, ” Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person
team.
But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.
Gary W. Graley
“Imagination is more important than knowledge"
Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
- Joined
- Mar 2, 1999
- Messages
- 26,363
What does a clock do when it's hungry ?
.
.
.
.
.
It goes back 4 seconds.
G2
.
.
.
.
.
It goes back 4 seconds.
G2
A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's owner, Dr. Smythe and the steward, Marcus who managed to swim to the closest island.
After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. Dr. Smythe on the other hand was quite calm, relaxing against a tree. "Dr. Smythe, Dr. Smythe, how can you be so calm?" cried Marcus. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here." "Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Marcus." began the confident Dr. Smythe. "Five years ago, I gave the United Way $500,000 and another $500,000 to my church. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, I did very well in the stock market, so I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year, business was good, so the two charities each got a million dollars." stated Dr. Smythe. "So what?" shouted Marcus. "Well, it's time for their annual fundraising drives, and I know they're going to find me!" smiled Dr. Smythe.
After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. Dr. Smythe on the other hand was quite calm, relaxing against a tree. "Dr. Smythe, Dr. Smythe, how can you be so calm?" cried Marcus. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here." "Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Marcus." began the confident Dr. Smythe. "Five years ago, I gave the United Way $500,000 and another $500,000 to my church. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, I did very well in the stock market, so I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year, business was good, so the two charities each got a million dollars." stated Dr. Smythe. "So what?" shouted Marcus. "Well, it's time for their annual fundraising drives, and I know they're going to find me!" smiled Dr. Smythe.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a United airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers arent going to scream, and we arent going to know when to take off!"
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers arent going to scream, and we arent going to know when to take off!"
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2016
- Messages
- 1,165
How clean should the jokes be. Know a few unique ones but its somewhat borderline dirty/racial?
Gary W. Graley
“Imagination is more important than knowledge"
Knifemaker / Craftsman / Service Provider
- Joined
- Mar 2, 1999
- Messages
- 26,363
Clean, as if you were telling them to your sainted mother
Otherwise it would be moved to another section of the forum
There may be a more risqué thread already in Wine&Cheese if you search for it, and that is where you can even start your own thread maybe?
But thanks for asking first, I appreciate that!
G2
Otherwise it would be moved to another section of the forum
There may be a more risqué thread already in Wine&Cheese if you search for it, and that is where you can even start your own thread maybe?
But thanks for asking first, I appreciate that!
G2
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2013
- Messages
- 1,832
I appreciate your consideration too
This thread lightens the day minimally ... and offers a hearty laugh a lot of the time. I see that in almost 950 posts so far, it has not been booted to W&C!
Susan
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2013
- Messages
- 1,832
Don't I wish I could go back to bed! In the middle of moving here and there is so much to do. I need all the humour I can glean at the moment.
So please know all who post, you are lightening my morning
Sorry ... on dialup I haven't been able to get a 'like' processed last few posts, but I am trying. Thanks all.
So please know all who post, you are lightening my morning
Sorry ... on dialup I haven't been able to get a 'like' processed last few posts, but I am trying. Thanks all.
- Status