I was thinking about something very early this morning, I am not too well right now with a late visit of the Flu- anyways...
I got think of a Card I gave my brother when I was 10 ...he was leaving home, I loved my brother one hell of a lot- he was older than me by 4 and a half years - he was kind, loved animals like you wouldnt believe- but man we used to fight it out lol...
I remember standing in his bedroom crying when he was leaving home - things werent good and he had to leave - I was devastated - I handed him a card which I will explain shortly...
I dont want to take this Thread away from Bob - Im trying to get to Bob and the relevance of loss.......
19 years on I found this card, still in the tattered now off-white envelope - I was cleaning out Andrews wee Flat after he was tragically Killed - in fact he was Murdered, this was probably the most painful job I have ever had to do in my life - with everything with the case going on and the shock etc and trying to deal with the loss was almost impossible, when I pulled open his sock draw- the Card was there.....
The Cover of the Card had a picture of a wee boy wearing a baseball cap backwards, Glove...Bat and ball on the Ground..the wee boy had a tear running down his cheek On the Cover - these words -" its sure going to be Loney here ... ( then you opened up the card and these big words ) ..."Without you!" Oh Andy had kept it for all these years...
For some reason I dont know why I didnt write on the card, but on that now tattered Envelope was this messy kids writing, " To Andrew, Love from Duncan with all these x's for kisses..
I can honestly say my knees near went out from under me when I found this, its the most treasured item I have in existence.....
I used to have this dream- reoccurring every few weeks - there was a knock on the Door- I would go and answer, there was Andrew- I of course was blown away- crying in my dream - telling that I loved him and begging him not to go...but all he ever said " Hey Dunc..I gotta go Man....." Then I would wake up...
That one used to really cut me up...
So after all that, I was thinking of this early Morning, finding my card to Andrew - how it just broke my Heart so immediately upon finding that Card...and I dont quite know just why I immediately thought of Bob, and I said " Bob mate, I kinda hope people say the things about me- the way they have for you my friend when its my time to go, because it means we really really miss you, and it is that bit lonely here with out you, theres a lot of people waiting to open that door my friend, I hope that wherever you are, it's exciting, amazing and full of love".