philthygeezer said:
Talked to her last night. It is SO much worse than I thought.
Turns out she is acting strange because she thinks I'm too fat, I act strangely around other people (I'm very shy) and they think I'm a spaz, and her friends warned her about me because they think I am a sex fiend. That's why she didn't want anyone at school to know we were going out: because of what they would think of her for dating me. She told me it was because she was shy and wasn't used to dating. She hasn't trusted me from day one and still doesn't, and even when I thought it was going great and we were falling in love, she just felt rushed.
Oh yeah, and during those four months we slept together and played around but we never once had sex. Turns out she only made out with me to please me and was never into it once.
I'm 33 and I have never had a real GF. I lost my virginity at 31 to a girl who dumped me a few days later. I don't know anything about this stuff and the books I read are all ****ing wrong. I'm a total idiot and I hate myself thoroughly. I don't have a ****ing clue and it seems I never will, no matter how hard I try. I am totally alone again, and it turns out that I really was even when I thought I wasn't.
But she thinks she can 'fix' me. God, am I am hurting so badly right now...
It's time to bail out, amigo. Really.
Someone smarter than me said, "Men feel betrayed in marriage because they think their wive's will never change, and they do. Women feel betrayed in marriage because they think their husbands will change, and they don't."
I don't have a lot of time to address your potential problems, so I'll just fire off some bullets for you to think about:
1. You might be too fat. I am. But at the risk of sounding cliche'd, there is fat, and then there is *FAT*! Make sure you are in the former category and not the latter. Myself, I've lost about 350 pounds, but gained about 345. The same damned pounds over, and over, and over again. But I am gradually shedding the weight. I need to. I've got high blood pressure and a family history of heart disease and, a daughter who needs me. (By the way, I'm 5'8" and weigh 252. I used to weigh a lot more than that. My goal is 155. I'll get there. But it's been tough. I've watched that scale display values from 246 to 257 up and down every day for a year. Drives me nuts.....)
2. Hygiene. You need to make sure you are spic and span, always. You don't need tons of aftershave. Just make sure you shower, shampoo and shave every day, at least once a day. Use deodorant. When you brush your teeth, brush each tooth in front top and back. Brush your gums. Brush the roof of your mouth and your tongue. Floss daily,and see a dentist a couple times a year at least. Bad breath is a huge turnoff.
3. Dress for success. Pick clothes that flatter your physique and fit nicely. By the way, if you are large of gut and butt, don't wear light colored slacks, wear only black, dark grey, dark blue and maybe dark brown or dark green. Keep your clothes clean and unwrinkled. I didn't say ironed, but don't wad them up in a drawer, pull them out a week later and put them on. Dress like you care about what you look like.
4. Hair. We can't all have hair like Mel Gibson or Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. That's life. But whatever hair you have, keep it clean, keep it groomed and keep it trimmed, even if it is long.
5. Piercings. Careful. The occasional earring or post is one thing. Posts and piercings through eye brows, noses, tongues, lips and any place sends certain messages. Decide what kind of lady you want and make sure you are dressing and grooming for her.
6. Talking to girls. I know this sounds weird, but just TALK to the girls. Don't be trying to impress them, or pick them up. Just, talk. Just like you'd talk to some guys (choose your subject matter and delivery appropriately). The best way to get a girlfriend is to start with a girl -- friend. The most successful marriages I've seen started out with the guy and gal as just plain buds. From there, affection grew, and it is affection based on honest to gosh just simply liking each other, and of course learning to respect each other, which in turn grew into a committed love (not infatuation) for each other.
Never ask a girl out on a "date". After you and the lady have yakked for a while (it might be minutes or months, depending on the two of you), simply ask her if she wants to go get a coffee or a bite of lunch.
Later on as you are talking about movies you like, tell her you want to go see, say "Hidalgo" or "Lord of the Rings" or whatever, that you're planning on seeing it on Saturday (for example) and then ask her if she wants to see it with you. It ain't a "date" - it's just two folks who want to see the same movie and who - so far - kinda like each other's company.
And if she says no, THEN GO SEE THE MOVIE ANYWAY!!! Then the next time you see her, tell her about it.
Don't act hurt, or resentful or angry. You want to be Cary Grant - Mr. Smooth. You want to have grace and style.
Women don't want some moody jerk or some fellow who acts like he's going to cry if he doesn't get his way.
Be pleasant, polite, affable. If she says 'no', and no matter how she says no, just act like she said, "No, I can't eat mangos, I'm allergic to them", and say "Okay, some other time perhaps. I'll let you know if it's worth seeing." Then smile and be about your business.
There's a lady out there waiting for you, amigo. She just doesn't know it yet. All you gotta do is make youself not-unattractive and then start talking to different ladies until you stumble into her.
Don
PS: Please do think about what you WANT in a woman as far as personality. I was very specific. I wanted someone kind, warm, understanding, caring, faithful, honest, smart, with a good sense of humor.
Also, it's more important to date people who have similar value systems in common, than hobbies in common. My wife and I don't have a lot of interests in common, but we share a common value system. This year will mark our 24th year of marriage.
