- Jan 20, 2012
This should keep Todd Bush for awhile...
A stitch in time saves nine what?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright
Are female moths called myths?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do boxer shorts box?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do clowns wear really big socks?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do fish get thirsty?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do mass murderers kill only in church?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do television evangelists do more than lay people? --Stanley Ralph Moss
Do vampires get AIDS?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do witches run spell checkers?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? --Steven Wright
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does an analyst have to be anal? --Adam Rifkin
Does killing time damage eternity?
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? I don't get it. --Steven Wright
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
Have you ever wondered?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows?
How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How dead is the Dead Sea?
How did a fool and his money get together?
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
How is it possible to run out of space?
How long is the long arm of the law?
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright
If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
Do you mind if I field this one for you,Todd?