Day 1: the end of my Cursed existence.

Discussion in 'Himalayan Imports' started by Ad Astra, May 23, 2005.

  1. munk


    Mar 22, 2002
    As is your new diet, Mamav, keep it up!

  2. Noah Zark

    Noah Zark

    May 12, 2005
    I appreciate the update, Mike. I was thinking about you last evening, and when I awoke at 0400. Hang in there.

    A couple of one-liners that have helped me at one tine or another:

    "I am better today than yesterday, but not a good as I will be tomorrow."

    "Never cry over that which cannot cry over you."

    I have an innate fear of heights that began at age 3 with a mean-spirited relative holding me upside down over a 3-story open stairwell at my grandparents' house. For years I would not change a lightbulb in a ceiling fixture only 8' off the ground. Open-risered industrial stairways and catwalks positively terrified me to the point of near-freezing. It was this overwhelming fear of heights and falling, plus my draft number being 13 that drove me to enlist in the USMC. Basic Training was hard, the hardest thing I had to face in my 18 years at the time. I was terrified of the climbing and rope work and whatnot, but I signed up specifically to master my fear. I became very good at getting soaked by falling off a log over a pond, doing pushups and running in place with a rifle held aloft. During one exercise I froze as I had to hand-over-hand on a rope. My Jr Drill Instructor came up and whispered in my ear that I wasn't the first to be scared of heights, and that he would not let me get hurt, and that there are worse things than falling, and that I've already fell during other exercises. He said quite firmly, "I know you can do it, but you don't yet know that you can do it. That's why you have to do it -- to prove it to yourself that you can do it, so that you can do it when your fellow Marines will be counting on you. Now stare at that rope one foot in front of your hands, and look at NOTHING else but that rope, one foot in front of your hands. ("Sir, yes, Sir!") You make your way one hand at a time, and do not let your eyes drift from that rope until you are on the other side. Now GO!"

    I did it. I didn't like it, but I had to do it and I did it. One hand at a time. I still don't like heights, but I have no problem changing lights, walking on catwalks, or doing roof repairs.

    Like I did one hand at a time, you're going to conquer alcohol -- one minute, hour, day at a time.

    Howard Wallace, Yvsa and Ad Astra like this.
  3. Spectre


    Nov 3, 1998
    Hey, Mike.

    Like many others here, I've had various compulsions and problems. Understanding you have a problem is the first step, without a doubt. You are changing. Way to go.

    My most persistent addiction has been food. What has helped me in the past with addictive behaviours with this and other things, is to ask myself if I'm *really* going to feel better because I'm doing x. If the answer is- no, I'm only doing this because y, sometimes I remember not to do it. ;)

    I understand AA may not be the route for you, but it is important to have steady friends who will back you up on this, and with whom you can be accountable.

    Peace and strength to you.

  4. Nasty

    Nasty Chief Cook & Bottle Wash

    Nov 11, 2003
    Mid-day checkin ya doin'?

    Yeah...stuck at my desk at *that* is an addiction I wish I could break!

    Ad Astra likes this.
  5. Steely_Gunz

    Steely_Gunz Got the Khukuri fevah Moderator

    May 9, 2002
    "Home by the Sea, where Life is Good"

    People can go their entire lives and not find 8 words that make so much sense. Home, Life, Good. If we can find these three things during our days on earth, then we have done it well. Home, what more can a man ask for than a place that to lay his weary head at the end of a long day. A place to say this is my spot, this is my center. All things radiate from here. I am neither forward nor behind, but i am in control. Life, powerful and purposeful. All things exist, but not everything lives. Whether life springs forth out of a random explosion of atoms and chance, or is molded by loving work-roughened hands of a creator; life has reason. Rocks exist, dirt exists, even some people do nothing more than exist. If you live, then you leave something behind long after your time. Good, how many times are we asked, "how are you today?" and we reply "Good, thanks." How many times do we say that we are "good" when we really are just ok, or not really well at all, or a huge freakin' pile of dog poop has just smuthered our little corner of the world? To strive to have a truly honest "good" life is about all we can ask for.

    Best of luck to you and your wife, friend.
    Spectre likes this.
  6. Howard Wallace

    Howard Wallace . Moderator

    Feb 23, 1999
    We all have our own demons. Sometimes I am shocked at the seemingly insignificant things that give others problems, and I wonder with amazement how they can think my incredible challenges are just trifles.

    Even those with similar experiences have never been in exactly the same circumstances and states. We can help each other, with emotional support, with clues and hints as to what we did in similar circumstances, but in the end each of us attempts to puzzle out his destiny by himself.

    I wish you skill in navigating your obstacles and solving your puzzle, Mike.

  7. Ad Astra

    Ad Astra

    Jul 30, 2004
    Thanks Nasty. Fine, little bit dizzy. Better today, mo' better tomorrow.

    John, I heard food is the hardest prob of all... can quit poisons like cigs & booze, but you always have to eat- to me that would be much harder. Guns, now- addiction controlled via income. :D

    Noah- also good stuff. Yeah, I was awake most of the nite too. Nice full moon I picked. And BTW, we're all glad you found the HI forum.

    Mamav- power to you. My diet won't make me any better lookin' :p so you have an advantage! My pistol shooting is sure to improve, hopefully.

    Keno- I appreciate. Germany is my favorite country, especially the castles. Ever been to Burg Eltz?

    Bamboo, fallingknife, tsf- continued thanks. I'm a little out of it. Think I just put a party hat on an Atomic Bomb.

    Ad Astra

    and of course thanks Jake & Howard. Steely your posts have sold me a lot of khuks- I believe you know what you are talking about. And thanks Howard & Red Flower- hard to imagine good wishes from all over the world! RF, I'm also taking Kudzu- said to be a Chinese cure for drinking probs.... herbal stuff helps... valerian root, kava, milk thistle, I've got a few tricks working.
  8. Spectre


    Nov 3, 1998
    "and drink LOTS of water"

    John- I agree, btw- total abstinence is MUCH easier than moderation :(
  9. Bamboo


    Dec 16, 2004
    Ad ~ go easy on the kava. It is pretty well documented to have bad effects on the liver.
  10. Ad Astra

    Ad Astra

    Jul 30, 2004
    I do know. Kava's hard to get due to kids abusing it, I think. And congrats on your next post- 500!

  11. Bamboo


    Dec 16, 2004
    Thanks! I might not have even noticed. Might as well make it here then right!

    And yes, you did put a party hat on an atomic bomb. You don't need alcohol ... you're going to be just fine. :D ;)

  12. Bill Marsh

    Bill Marsh

    Mar 26, 2002
    "My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict."

    I said this many times in many meetings. I know that you have heard it before, but get to an AA meeting. There is one every night. You can only do this with group support. It works. All the sayings are true.

    "One day at a time." I can never say I am recovered, only in recovery.

    Only promise that you will not drink or use today.

    Work the Program, Mike. I assure you that you can not do this alone. We are all praying for you, but you MUST have local support. I know, believe me, I know.

    When the excuses to use come, and they will. Get to a meeting.

    When you are sure that you don't need a meeting anymore, get to a meeting. Tell yourself that you are going so that YOU can help others, but go.

    I do.
  13. Kismet

    Kismet Basic Member Basic Member

    Jan 30, 2002
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Bill Marsh again.\

    Hell, I must spread some Reputation around for every person who posted here!

    There is a high percentage of decent human beings in this forum. Not one of us is without flaw (well, maybe Bruise,) but I am continually amazed at the generosity of spirit in the people who gather here on a regular basis.

    I am proud to have an association with the likes of this assortment of Human Beings.
    Ad Astra and 37up like this.
  14. Yvsa


    May 18, 1999
    vBulletin Message
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Steely_Gunz again.

    Mike you also might want to try some hard candy. A sister of mine is an alcoholic and she used hard candy to help break her addiction. Something about alcoholics craving sugar I think but I do know it has worked for her. And now her sister is in recovery and we're all pulling for her as well.

    Hang tuff. We're all pulling for you!!!! :D
  15. shappa


    Oct 15, 1998
    I have to agree with Bill...get to a meeting.
    You don't have to go the religious route, but the support they offer is HUGE!
    get to a meeting.
    Your wife will be a big support but she hasn't gone through this hell like others in a.a. have. get their support
    get to a meeting.
    Howard Wallace likes this.
  16. Spectre


    Nov 3, 1998
    I thought the same thing. Yet another way we are blessed- and the attitude of thankfulness has been a life-changer for me. I still gave Steely some rep for Uncle Y, though. ;) (It was nice to be able to give some, for once- y'all are just "too" great!)

  17. 37up


    Jun 16, 2002
    Hey Ad,

    Just thought I'd keep this thread goin'.

    The Cantina, where good karma is as tangible as green chicklets.
  18. Nasty

    Nasty Chief Cook & Bottle Wash

    Nov 11, 2003
    Hey Mike...let us hear from you...

    Hmm...maybe Mike and the wifey are walking the beach.


  19. Red Flower

    Red Flower

    Oct 13, 2004
    You are very welcome. Thank you for updating your process. I am looking forward to hearing more good news from you.

    Take care, we will be there for you.
  20. Howard Wallace

    Howard Wallace . Moderator

    Feb 23, 1999
    I'm sure the neighbors will bless you as you eat your way through all the local kudzu growth!


Share This Page